Venting...kids and college

Having just finished school and having paid of the small amount of debt I had to pay off (~$7k), I would highly suggest that she chooses the school that is lowest cost providing they are around the same level of education. It sucks paying back loans and I can't even imagine paying for a $36k+ loan back Even "full rides" may not be full rides. I mean my college gave me a full tuition scholarship but that didn't cover dorms, meal plans, lab fees, books, travel expenses (if she involved in any activities), etc. Also my scholarship only cover 15 hours a semester for 8 semesters. I am guessing the scholarship to Arizona covers a lot of that but check the fine print and the same with an scholarships to Maryland to find the real cost. Also there are plenty of other private scholarships to apply for. I would recommend her join Fastweb and look at the scholarships available and start applying if she really does decide to go to Maryland. Every bit helps.

mtn wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: Has to live on campus and buy one of those damn meal plans.

This is fairly standard practice, like it or not. Usually for folks somewhat local they can get out of it, the same goes for married, military, and other exceptions. Don't expect to get out of it though, and yes, it is a complete ripoff. The dorms don't upset me all that much--for me, it worked out to about $600 a month which isn't bad if you consider that cable, internet, every single utility, cleaning, and other perks you don't think about are all included in that price. It also forces you to make friends. The thing that really grinds my gears is the required meal plan. I bought the cheapest available meal plan which afforded me, on average, 2.4 meals a day. Considering the amount that I'd sleep through breakfast, or grab some fast food, or simply have Ramen or Easy mac, that is eating a lot of meals. Keep in mind that this is the cheapest meal plan. My meals worked out to be $13.xx a meal. I could eat out every single meal, eat better and healthier, and I'd be saving about $9 a day. That is ridiculous.

Yup. Mine was the opposite though. The meal plan wasn't that bad cost wise (I mean I could have been cheaper) but the dorms were stupid like $800 a month when I could have rented a house and split it for a little bit more then half that.

mtn wrote: I just graduated from the #3 school for education in the country (I do not know who ranks or how they do it, but we're consistently up there) and a girl I know graduated top of her class and is teaching in podunk bumfuk earning nothing, even for a teacher. This is not unusual. Another is working in a call center, and another still at Menards. But another was a dual major--Business Admin and English Education. He was working in a good job at a Fortune 400 company for about 14 months before he got the job he wanted--a teacher. But he will always have a leg up, and a sense of security.

This is a good idea. My Brother and his wife both went to school for teaching and have gotten their masters. After graduating all the teaching jobs in the area dried up. He spent two years disconecting cable from people that didn't pay their bills, then got laid off and got a job packing out ice cream. The ice cream company got him his CDL and he drove a truck for them for a couple more years before getting a teaching job in a Lutheren school in the Bronx where kids go when they get thrown out of public schools making a bit less than he did delivering ice cream.

USI required only those living in the LLC(Living, Learning, Community) Residential Halls to have a meal plan. Mine covered a meal a day at the cafeteria and a slush fund that covered the various bistro's and such on campus. I do miss the grilled chicken salads from there.....they were always good.

The drinking/lifestyle, yep whole different conversation. And I know that although she is the most uptight studious person in the world right now that can and will change when she hits college. In a way I'm really counting on it. She's entirely too serious for 17 years old. Now I'm hoping she won't go entirely off the deep end in the other direction but my general experience has been those types are usually the ones who were forced into the straight laced lifestyle.

My daughter has choices, noone has ever had to tell her what to do or not to do, she's always been very focused on her goal of doing the best that she can in school. So she's not heading out to school to escape or rebel. We were talking once about how a friend of her's had died her hair pink or some such thing. As she's sitting there having the conversation with me and my current wife who had purple hair at the time she said "I just don't see the point, not only would it not rattle your cages, you'd pay to have it done and drive me to the salon"

On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

No offense, and with all due respect, She is a fricken MORON!

mtn wrote:

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

No offense, and with all due respect, She is a fricken MORON!

berkeley me. I would have been on that like white on rice.

I can attest to the value of study abroad, having the time of my life right now! Even with a broken heel, it is a fantastic opportunity. Regardless of where she ends up, you should push her towards study abroad for a semester or even a year. My tuition is much lower on my study abroad semester than a normal one.

93EXCivic wrote:

mtn wrote:

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

No offense, and with all due respect, She is a fricken MORON!

berkeley me. I would have been on that like white on rice.

Wow. I'd have jumped on that like a sparrow on a June bug.

I agree with all of the above, all that and the coursework that seemed like it was custom made for her. Sigh...sometimes you can lead them to water....

She makes me a bit batty, or I should say whomever is filling her head with certain ideas makes me batty. She has been fighting for a full ride scholarship for a long time and working hard for it, but she also has it in her mind that the only schools which will offer full ride academic scholarships are the ones which are so terrible academically that they are trying to get you to boost their numbers. So her opinion has been tainted on some of these offers. With AZ at least there have been too many people telling her what a good school it is for her to ignore forever.

Curmudgeon wrote: FWIW, my step niece? (I dunno, all that stuff confuses me) got a pretty decent scholarship ride and was going to study graphic arts. Required (yes, required!) a ~$2k Apple laptop. Has to live on campus and buy one of those damn meal plans. After the first semester she decides to CHANGE MAJORS and go after a degree in education (now wants to be a teacher). EVERYTHING went out the window. Last I heard, the scholarship got cut by something like 25% and she was lucky to keep that much.

I love kids like this. You know why? Because after they quit - their frustrated parents put that Apple laptop on Kijiji, where I pick it up, virtually new, for $600.

I grew up in a one-parent household. After dad left (good-bye to the big house on the lake and the car) my mother was pretty much emotionally absent for all of my teen years. I learned how to scour the second-hand shops for what I needed after working summers as a camp counsellor, and shoveling manure at horse farms. Had to work for a hard, filthy, grueling year in a non union factory to go to art college. Was desperately envious of my friends whose parents either let them live at home while at university, or put them in nice residences, sending regular care packages and money to come home to ensure laundry and all needs were looked after.

There was no reason for me to go home, even if I had the money to do so. Today, one of those friends was recently deserted by her husband - leaving her with 3 kids, one of whom is autistic. If she hadn't been so sheltered, she'd have realized what a hustling dirt-bag he was from the start... but even with all of her education, she's naive to the nastier truths of life. Can't drive, hasn't a clue how to get away from his control.

I struggle as a freelancer. Honestly - despite what you might read - it's not all sybaritic junkets and fancy press cars (full disclaimer: I've got an Audi TTRS in front of the house right now, and I'm rationing gas because I haven't been paid in two months). I get really berkeleying mad when I read rants from "millenials" on how my generation sucked up all the good jobs, and that they couldn't afford to drive any of the cars we write about. I bought my first car, that I owned outright, out of the want ads and scraped to keep it together. I was 30 years old.

I'm not envious of my sheltered friends anymore. Hope this isn't too rambling... but making life too easy for your kids isn't helping them. You don't have to shatter their dreams either. Let them know that dreams are worth working for. I worked nights as a bartender throughout my 20s to make ends meet... many of my co-workers had Bachelor of Arts degrees. But I never gave up on my dreams of somehow pursuing a life that included creativity.

fritzsch wrote: I can attest to the value of study abroad, having the time of my life right now! Even with a broken heel, it is a fantastic opportunity. Regardless of where she ends up, you should push her towards study abroad for a semester or even a year. My tuition is much lower on my study abroad semester than a normal one.

If not study abroad I may see about getting a short term (2-3 month) assignment at our corporate HQ during a summer and taking her with me. Its in Denmark which is a wonderful country I've really grown to enjoy and would like to share with her.

Lesley wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: FWIW, my step niece? (I dunno, all that stuff confuses me) got a pretty decent scholarship ride and was going to study graphic arts. Required (yes, required!) a ~$2k Apple laptop. Has to live on campus and buy one of those damn meal plans. After the first semester she decides to CHANGE MAJORS and go after a degree in education (now wants to be a teacher). EVERYTHING went out the window. Last I heard, the scholarship got cut by something like 25% and she was lucky to keep that much.

I love kids like this. You know why? Because after they quit - their frustrated parents put that Apple laptop on Kijiji, where I pick it up, virtually new, for $600. I grew up in a one-parent household. After dad left (good-bye to the big house on the lake and the car) my mother was pretty much emotionally absent for all of my teen years. I learned how to scour the second-hand shops for what I needed after working summers as a camp counsellor, and shoveling manure at horse farms. Had to work for a hard, filthy, grueling year in a non union factory to go to art college. Was desperately envious of my friends whose parents either let them live at home while at university, or put them in nice residences, sending regular care packages and money to come home to ensure laundry and all needs were looked after. There was no reason for me to go home, even if I had the money to do so. Today, one of those friends was recently deserted by her husband - leaving her with 3 kids, one of whom is autistic. If she hadn't been so sheltered, she'd have realized what a hustling dirt-bag he was from the start... but even with all of her education, she's naive to the nastier truths of life. Can't drive, hasn't a clue how to get away from his control. I struggle as a freelancer. Honestly - despite what you might read - it's not all sybaritic junkets and fancy press cars (full disclaimer: I've got an Audi TTRS in front of the house right now, and I'm rationing gas because I haven't been paid in two months). I get really berkeleying mad when I read rants from "millenials" on how my generation sucked up all the good jobs, and that they couldn't afford to drive any of the cars we write about. I bought my first car, that I owned outright, out of the want ads and scraped to keep it together. I was 30 years old. I'm not envious of my sheltered friends anymore. Hope this isn't too rambling... but making life too easy for your kids isn't helping them. You don't have to shatter their dreams either. Let them know that dreams are worth working for. I worked nights as a bartender throughout my 20s to make ends meet... many of my co-workers had Bachelor of Arts degrees. But I never gave up on my dreams of somehow pursuing a life that included creativity.

Well said from the voice of experience!

93EXCivic wrote:

mtn wrote:

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

No offense, and with all due respect, She is a fricken MORON!

berkeley me. I would have been on that like white on rice.

Thats should have been like dragging a KFC bucket through the south side of chicago.

yamaha wrote:

93EXCivic wrote:

mtn wrote:

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

No offense, and with all due respect, She is a fricken MORON!

berkeley me. I would have been on that like white on rice.

Thats should have been like dragging a KFC bucket through the south side of chicago.

Water I was drinking is now on my keyboard, by way of my nose.

In reply to Lesley:

Beautifully said. Big +1.

Lesley wrote:

Curmudgeon wrote: FWIW, my step niece? (I dunno, all that stuff confuses me) got a pretty decent scholarship ride and was going to study graphic arts. Required (yes, required!) a ~$2k Apple laptop. Has to live on campus and buy one of those damn meal plans. After the first semester she decides to CHANGE MAJORS and go after a degree in education (now wants to be a teacher). EVERYTHING went out the window. Last I heard, the scholarship got cut by something like 25% and she was lucky to keep that much.

I love kids like this. You know why? Because after they quit - their frustrated parents put that Apple laptop on Kijiji, where I pick it up, virtually new, for $600. I grew up in a one-parent household. After dad left (good-bye to the big house on the lake and the car) my mother was pretty much emotionally absent for all of my teen years. I learned how to scour the second-hand shops for what I needed after working summers as a camp counsellor, and shoveling manure at horse farms. Had to work for a hard, filthy, grueling year in a non union factory to go to art college. Was desperately envious of my friends whose parents either let them live at home while at university, or put them in nice residences, sending regular care packages and money to come home to ensure laundry and all needs were looked after. There was no reason for me to go home, even if I had the money to do so. Today, one of those friends was recently deserted by her husband - leaving her with 3 kids, one of whom is autistic. If she hadn't been so sheltered, she'd have realized what a hustling dirt-bag he was from the start... but even with all of her education, she's naive to the nastier truths of life. Can't drive, hasn't a clue how to get away from his control. I struggle as a freelancer. Honestly - despite what you might read - it's not all sybaritic junkets and fancy press cars (full disclaimer: I've got an Audi TTRS in front of the house right now, and I'm rationing gas because I haven't been paid in two months). I get really berkeleying mad when I read rants from "millenials" on how my generation sucked up all the good jobs, and that they couldn't afford to drive any of the cars we write about. I bought my first car, that I owned outright, out of the want ads and scraped to keep it together. I was 30 years old. I'm not envious of my sheltered friends anymore. Hope this isn't too rambling... but making life too easy for your kids isn't helping them. You don't have to shatter their dreams either. Let them know that dreams are worth working for. I worked nights as a bartender throughout my 20s to make ends meet... many of my co-workers had Bachelor of Arts degrees. But I never gave up on my dreams of somehow pursuing a life that included creativity.

Right on the money, Lesley. The bolded part I have seen before as well. It's a terrible thing for someone to be in their 30's and the lessons which should have come in the teens and early 20's suddenly smack them across the face.

This made me laugh and seemed relative in a round-about way.

Thesis Hatement
Getting a literature Ph.D. will turn you into an emotional trainwreck, not a professor.

By Rebecca Schuman

I studied abroad in college.

Actually, I studied more than one.

JThw8 wrote: On the value of the scholarships, I haven't seen the details, her mom goes over all that, and since she's in charge of the money you can bet she's gone over it well. Its a true full ride, room board books and education. Yes extracurricular are extra. Heck the U of Texas offer even included a spending allowance and a $10,000 allowance for a semester abroad (if I was a kid I'd have been all over that)

Why the berkeley didn't she jump of this?!? I know I'd rather go to UofT than UofA. Throw in a spending allowance and STUDYING ABROAD?!? Where..? What..? Why..?

She may be focused on a goal now, but she will probably change majors. That is why universities make you take all that broad general-ed the first two years, so that you can get exposure to things you may not have realized you really liked.

She absolutely should study abroad. I missed that opportunity in college and thankfully got the opportunity to study in Germany when I decided to get a professional certification. Hands down the best decision I have ever made in my life. Living in (not just visiting) another country on another continent made me friends around the world. I learned a ton about other people and cultures and by reflection learned more about myself and my own culture.

Contrary to the general theme on this board, I do not think her wanting to be an English Major is the death sentence to her career that other people do. I was an English Major. I think it has actually served me well. I know, that sounds weird since I am now in a field apparently totally unrelated to my undergraduate study. But... I didn't know in college what I wanted to have for a career. I figured that out when I was 28.

Having a 4-year degree in anything is good. Having it in a creative liberal-arts type field I think is one of the best things you can have if you end up changing career tracks. I could do better in my chosen career if I had decided to study microbiology or chemistry. But if I had studied something like engineering or computer science, basically none of my skills would be transferrable to what I'm doing now. As an English major, I learned how to quickly read and evaluate a lot of different information. I can read and write scientific papers better than the majority of people in my field. I also have a good handle on culture and communications which is useful for being able to do things like marketing the products I make. I can describe a beer and get people interested whether I am speaking to them in person or writing a description. Heck, my writing led me to creating a blog where one of my beer reviews got noticed by the company I am now working for.

Sky_Render wrote: I studied abroad in college. Actually, I studied more than one.

I mostly skimmed them. It is a regret that I didn't work harder.

To revisit this thread,

I can see the daughter's frustration in not being able to attend University of Chicago. It is hard to say the long-term value of joining a top-tier network, when many sources say that the key to success is who you know.

If anything, let's hope that attending a different school will encourage her to graduate at the top of her class, so that if she decides to attend graduate school, the likelihood of grant funding is high, so that she can afford to attend the school of her dreams.

As someone still in school, among myself and my peers, the school itself is a status symbol, moreso than any house, car, or any material good.

Thought I'd close the loop on this one. She has ended up choosing UMD and seems happy with the choice so I will be happy for her.

At the end of the day the ASU folks had been misleading with the scholarship offer, they presented her with 2 scholarships which would cover all costs but when she went to accept they said she could only take one or the other, kinda BS but what can you do.

Anyway she had partial scholarships from MD as well, and much to our surprise my company came through with a scholarship. Not to get too far off track but it was a National Merit scholarship and when she applied they said she missed the deadline, but she applied the day after she found out she was eligible. I fought our HR department for a few months and finally gave up. Well its only for employees kids who are National Merit Finalists, we're not that big of a company, she was probably the only applicant, so out of the blue they send her a letter saying she got it.

With all of that the out of pocket was down to 3k a year which I will happily split with the ex. Ex has laid down the law and said short of zombie apocalypse or meningitis outbreak she can't come home for the first month at school. Trying to get her to stand on her own and not be afraid of being away from home so much.

Puts her closer to me than she is now so I can't complain, she might learn to hate it though :)

fiscally sound resolution. She'll be very thankful five years from now when she's not saddled with debt.

Fiscally sound solution, agreed. Extend that home ban though, seriously. When's the first "break" that other UMD kids get? I think our first break was sometime in October. Allow her back then, just like an out of state kid. If you're lucky, she may not even want to come back "so soon".