GIRTHQUAKE said:
In reply to stroker :
As a young man whos watched all this unfold...
Everyone so far in comment, is basically right. Mr_Asa correctly brought up that there's truth to some claims (Men's suicide rates are like, 3-4 times womens and we have few to no resources if we're being abused) but the whole manosphere is very much a predatory universe. All of them are selling the ideal of confidence and success- see their marketplaces and patreon deals lmao- but wrap it all up and sell it in typical methods and numbered goals. Their targets are always doing everything wrong, are never hard enough, and are always told in a super authoritative tone. It's always an easy forumla to improve- just go 2 gym! Get money! Look important! Be aloof! They're all these very easy things that don't demand emotional stability or reflection- they're just easy numbers you can hit on the cable pull-down. All of this is intentional because these young men who aren't seeing success in dating or relationships (or have never had one) don't yet understand that all dating is all hard and demands time and failure in particular. Who would a young man rather listen to? A guy telling him in a calm nice tone, that you're just gonna have to fail repeatedly at dating to make it worthwhile? Or a dude who's forearms are so shredded he's got garden hoses for veins telling him that women don't want any man who can't bench 225?
Also to Mr_Asa, it's an issue of nuture, I've worked with many men who were told that men don't cry. Testosterone is the aggression hormone, which is why us young men have the highest rates for spinal injuries. We're #1 again babey!
Agree. I think it's 90% nurture. I grew up in a house where my father treated my mother like a queen, got bristled when he saw a man disrespecting a woman, and I was never EVER told that boys don't cry. When I played with my sister and her dolls, I was never told it was wrong. When I wanted to join the 4H sewing club, I was encouraged. When I joined choir and theater groups, Dad would actually skip a day of hunting (gasp) to come support me at a performance.
Any compulsion I have to not show emotion comes strictly from my adolescent experiences of bullying when I did express emotion. Being an emotional kid amidst an ocean of "tough kids" meant I was a wuss or a fag. (This was the 80s, after all) But the foundations of my emotional support from my parents were certainly not any different than my sister's. Emotions were real and expressed.
As a result, I am a bit of an oddity, especially in the romance world. Women (extreme generalizations here about straight couples) are somewhat conditioned to have the expectation that their man will have some of these antiquated misogynist tendencies, and part of their experiential foundations lead them to gloss over them as chivalry, or protectiveness. "I know he abuses me, but I know he loves me." I can't tell you how many women have dated me and been entranced by my emotional availability and safety only to deny it because it must be too good to be true, or doesn't fit the traditional paradigm. Fortunately, I have found someone who truly appreciates that facet about me and loves me for what that means.
I've been impressed with how the youth today are handling it. Yes, suicide rates are way up, but there is a silver lining to this pendulum swing. Kids are feeling again. If our mental health support were vaguely able to handle the flood, we wouldn't have quite the number of suicides. The deaths are heartbreaking, but it's a sign that we're not as quick to tell boys that they can't have emotions and they need to suck it up. I just think the preceding generations aren't equipped to handle the fallout of their children.