What 3-row, tow 4500, ~$20k or less dad-mobile?

I need to find a new vehicle for myself that meets the above requirements, and am feeling a bit overwhelmed trying to figure out how to proceed. Balancing the needs vs wants vs availability right now is kind of making my head explode, and I'd love some input from the group. Actual vehicle ads also welcome!

First, a bit of background: as of this month, I've started my new gig as stay-at-home dad for our just turned two year old. She's our only child, but we do hope to change that. Our current street/dd vehicles include my e46 touring (will be replacing this) and my wife's '15 MKC. Even with just one kid, cramming 4 adults and a car seat into either is not much fun, especially with the e46 being rather low for our must common passengers, either set of grandparents.

The MKC tows rather well, but I can't see making this purchase and not stepping up to at least 4,500lbs range (from the MKC 3,500lb) towing capacity so I can pull an actual trailer, and not just flat tow my rallyx e30. Budget wise, we were initially thinking in the 15k range, but are ok stepping up to 20kish to get something newer/more reliable. We want to be able to just get in and drive my new DD without me HAVING to spend time on fixing it up. We have the scratch set aside for this to be a cash purchase.

The seats need to not hurt my back too much. This will be our family road trip car from DC to NH or NC multiple times a year. I have crap posture, and my lower back doesn't like most cars. For reference, the best seats I ever experienced for road trips were the cloth buckets in my dodge stealth. I know I can only really test that by putting my butt in a seat, but that's a lot harder to do currently than it used to be.

I think that covers the needs. What I really want most is to at least somewhat enjoy driving it. V8s, turbos, and electric motor torque tend to help both with the fun factor and the ease of towing. I don't mind doing some work to help improve the fun-to-drive factor, too (like suspension work). Generally, I'm trying to keep as open a mind as possible on wants.

My current top short list, with past board discussions considered is: '08+ Highlander Hybrid, Ecoboost Flex, and latest gen v8 Durango. Similar gen explorers, and v8 xc90's seem like they are also options. Re: the absence of GM products, just about every one I've been in has some issue that isn't really a big deal, but just really annoys me, like not being able to turn off the auto engine stop/start in my mother's enclave. Feel free to convince me to look into a GM something, though. Like I said, I'm trying to keep an open mind.

I wouldn't be comfortable with 4500lbs behind a highlander. 08+ sequoia would be my choice. V8, and a bit more braking power to handle. 

3 row inexpensive tow vehicle says Suburban to me, but I dunno how the seats are and "fun to drive" not high on the list.

As I was reading the posting, but before I got to the last paragraph, I was leaning toward Ford Flex too.   The seats in the Flex are probably great.  The seats in the Volvo are probably exceptional.  

Don't forget the often forgotten Lincoln MKT (fancy Flex) too.  

EDIT whoops the 3 row requirement.

Did the Cayenne come with a third row?  It's a bad suggestion but a fun one.

lnlogauge said:

I wouldn't be comfortable with 4500lbs behind a highlander. 08+ sequoia would be my choice. V8, and a bit more braking power to handle. 

100% agree. 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ said:

Frontier/Tacoma?

I just checked our 2001 Tacoma 4 door and our 2021 Tacoma 4 door, neither has the 3rd row OP requires. 

A sequoia, armada, or tahoe/Yukon works if you don't care about having space behind the third row seat.  Land cruiser would be cool as well but more $$ and less storage past third row. 
 

if you want space for luggage or gear behind the third row, it's a suburban and only a suburban. 

In reply to mr2s2000elise :

Yes that was an oopsie.  Although, some Landcruisers do right?

In reply to mr2s2000elise :

Sequoia has no room after 3rd row like the Tahoe.  I wish they had an extended version but they do not. 

Somebody's gonna say it so I'll break the ice...

Exceptional at kid and people hauling.  Exceptional at cargo hauling.  Moderate at towing.   Dodge says towing capability of 3,800.  Hitch manufacturer says 4,400.  

Fueled by Caffeine said:

In reply to mr2s2000elise :

Sequoia has no room after 3rd row like the Tahoe.  I wish they had an extended version but they do not. 

Agree. Wish there was an extended version. 

Fueled by Caffeine said:

A sequoia, armada, or tahoe/Yukon works if you don't care about having space behind the third row seat.  Land cruiser would be cool as well but more $$ and less storage past third row. 
 

if you want space for luggage or gear behind the third row, it's a suburban and only a suburban. 

For those of us who went from Mazda5 to Land Cruiser, we have had to keep the 21 cubic feet Thule roof box for stuff. Agree with you that wish there was an extended version

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ said:

In reply to mr2s2000elise :

Yes that was an oopsie.  Although, some Landcruisers do right?

Since 1991, all USDM LC does, yes. You could buy the Heritage Edition with 3rd row delete for a year. 

In reply to mr2s2000elise :

Yeah. This is why I own a suburban and not a sequoia. Everything and everyone fits inside. Camping gear inside, 5 bikes on the velocirax outside. 

My new vote is an Armada with every Titan desert racing part you can find thrown at it:

Escalade ESV 

4 adults and a car seat is basically leaving you with a minivan or a Suburban (or Excursion), if you want to pack the stuff IN the car. You open yourself up to more if a Yakima/Thule cartop carrier is acceptable. 

If you happen to consider minivan, lots of recent GRM chatter about Minivans in this thread 

Suburban or even shorter Tahoe will excel at towing with other compromises in people and cargo hauling.  

In reply to yupididit :

So a fancy suburban with a big motor.   I'm in 

Sorry, I should have mentioned, but Suburban size vehicles are a bit too large to deal with driving around and parallel parking in DC regularly like we do. I have to do that a lot more often than towing. I know, conflicting requirements, so it's about finding the best balance.

Inlogauge, why do you say that about the highlander, and do you specifically mean the hybrid? Any personal experience?

Thanks, guys

I appreciate the quick input, but I don't need to pack for the moon at the expense of dealing with the size in DC. Having two people in the third row or a bunch of stuff, and not both, is an acceptable and preferred trade-off.

John, I have to stick with the rated towing capacity I think, but I hear what you're saying.

you might read through my thread from two-ish months ago...

https://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/grm/what-car-3rowtow-familysports-edition/184508/page1/

I ended up with an MDX... but I'm Honda biased.  I looked pretty hard at Audi Q7's and VW Touareg's.  If I hadn't had to "buy, right meow" when we hit the shores, I might have leaned more to a Touareg.

Dang it my wife wanted a MKC last week, before we bought a Buick Envision.  Well technically we didn't buy it yet, what are the details on the MKC and what do you want for it?

My vote is always Pathfinder V8 for hauling kids and towing, it is also fast and fun.  I have an Expedition for hauling and dad duties it's great at nothing, also not terrible at anything.  I would actually recommend one except for the fun part.  Maybe the ecoboost version is better than my 5.4.

I'm pretty sure that the Highlander HYBRID is only rated to 3500 lb.  It's the ICE only versions that have the higher towing capacity.

John Welsh said:

Dodge says towing capability of 3,800. Hitch manufacturer says 4,400.  

1) Dodge says 3600 lb.

2) Each manufacturer is rating only the relative strength of the product they themselves are selling you, not the total system. Neither can 'increase' the rating claimed by the other.

So it's the LESSER of the vehicle manufacturers claims or the hitch manufacturers claims... Which is 3600 lb, and 900 lb (20%) less than the minimum requested.