What age do you let your kids drink?

My oldest is 16. He has been invited to a party at his cousin's house, and the mother (Sister in law) has decided to allow the kids to drink. One kid is bringing jello shooters.

These are all good and mostly responsible kids, and it will be a safe environment. My kid is welcome to go and if I tell him not to drink he will respect that. But I think that may be kind of an unfair test of his resistance to peer pressure. Mostly I'm kind of pissed at my sister in law for creating the situation, but I also recognize that it is very unlikely he will wait untill legal drinking age before trying alcohol. And I dont want to be a hypocrite. I was getting hammered at river parties (NOT a safe environment) soon after getting my drivers liscence, so I probably started at 16. What y'all think?

She's opening herself up to a world of hurt in this modern "sue-happy" environment.

Edit: though you are in Canada so I am not sure if the "sue-happy" environment is different.

I think its terrible idea and the mother is committing a crime(here in the USofA).

We had a friend who would do this. She was trying to be the cool mom.

The legal drinking age is 21 and should be respected, short of living on your own. If your son is in the military, or paying his own way in an apartment or away at college then have a drink now and then is probably OK. Short of that, 16 and living at home is way too young.

Man, that is tough. 16 is an age I'd like to see kids start to learn about alcohol, but a bunch of kids together doing jello shooters doesn't seem like a environment where moderation will be learned.

Is your SIL going to be on site and ensuring nobody drives home? A hangover is an object lesson, a DUI (or worse) is not.

pinchvalve wrote: The legal drinking age is 21 and should be respected, short of living on your own. If your son is in the military, or paying his own way in an apartment or away at college then have a drink now and then is probably OK. Short of that, 16 and living at home is way too young.

Side rant: pretty much everyone agrees the 21 year old drinking age is idiotic. It drives drinking underground and into more risky, binging behavior. There is nothing magical that happens at 21 that allows a young adult to suddenly drink responsibly. People need practice.

I was a combat veteran at 20 and still not able to legally buy a beer. That's bullE36 M3 and everyone knows it.

I can understand the introducing them before going to college, but this seems a little early, and more importantly not at all the right way to do it.

My parents occasionally "let" me drink at that age. It was usually after a day of things like stacking hay bales. If I could work like an adult I got treated like an adult. Beyond that my friends and I were drinking fairly frequently but it wasn't explicitly allowed by my parents but they didn't really fight it either if no harm was done and I was up and at 'em the next morning. But on a couple occasions I got underage consumption tickets and the hammer came down. That was twenty years ago so ymmv.

I'd distance myself from the entire event. The less you know as an adult the better when the court summons shows up.

I was allowed at 18, as long as I wasn't going to the same bars as my dad. Weird rule I know(I wasn't allowed to smoke cigarettes in front of my dad until after I turned 21 and called him out for cheating on my mom, my house was full of strange rules). Of course, all those 11 years ago, social media didn't exist. That adds a whole new aspect to the party at the "cool parents house" because kids are generally too stupid to realize the cops can and will bust them for bragging about it online.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I went to parties in the woods when I was that age. I have done many foolish and dangerous things in my life as a result of drinking when I shouldn't have been. But, I lived and I have some good stories. I have some scars. And some enemies. I'm not sure I would get the same results twice so I'm leery of condoning asinine behavior from my own children.

I also have a 16yr old and he has gone to a party recently, been caught and punished. I am setting the boundary - expecting it to be pushed. If I don't set one then I'm afraid we will be pushing at a whole different level. I could be wrong though. If someone else catches him drinking he won't drive until he is 21, he will face penalties that are pretty harsh and questions that might cause others to go to jail. I can't condone that - but I can't realistically chain him up in the basement until it passes either. So, I am at the mercy of his honor at times. If he is anything like his father... there will be a few sleepless nights for his parents. I hope that is the extent of it.

If I were you though - I would probably give your sister-in-law hell for making it too easy. Hard liquor? Nucking futs. Cheap, light beer is more than adequate to make teenagers puke and piss themselves.

I think it's acceptable as long as she takes the keys and no one drives.

WE had a few different sets of parents like in high school. They knew we were going to go out and party and drink or whatever anyway, so they provided a safe place to do it where we wouldn't get in trouble.

As soon as we walked in the door one of the parents would take everyones keys, and you didn't get them back until the next day after breakfast.

I did my fair share of partying at that age, but none of it was organized by anyone's parents. That Mom is making a very poor decision by hosting the party.

16 seems young, 18 is probably what i would consider to be a better time. I started drinking around my senior year of high school so 17-18. My parents didnt know i was out drinking and would not have been ok with it even though it was a similar case to this, at a friends house with there parents there, everyone who drank was staying the night.

Once i hit college i continued to drink, and as bad as it sounds i think it was good i learned my limits in high school in a safe environment vs. learning those limits while on my own in a college environment. Also once i was in college my parents came to the pretty easy realization that i was drinking and they became ok with me drinking whenever i was back home as long as they knew where i was going to be staying.

But at the end of the day its your kid so your rules.

EDIT: as for my friends parents being ok with having everyone over to drink, its not like they were inviting us over to be 'cool parents', i think it was more of that they knew if they didnt make a safe place to drink at that we would find somewhere less safe to do it which did happen occasionally usually with a bad outcome.

KyAllroad wrote: Side rant: pretty much everyone agrees the 21 year old drinking age is idiotic. It drives drinking underground and into more risky, binging behavior. There is nothing magical that happens at 21 that allows a young adult to suddenly drink responsibly. People need practice.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I think its unrealistic, but I don't think kids are going to be any more responsible if its 18 or 16 or 10 years old. I feel like most people I've known that drink didn't start doing so responsibly until after age 25. Some still don't well after that age.

I do hear an advertisement on the radio periodically that says something to the effect of: Someone who starts drinking at age 15 has a ~40% chance of becoming and alcoholic. Someone who starts at age 21 has a ~7% chance. Pretty big difference, and pretty berkeleying important. I'd like to know more details regarding this study.

This is tough. But I think what Huck said might be your best option. Telling him no but expecting it to happen sometime. I think just giving him an open green light is abad idea. Maybe try drinking at home with him a few times is a good idea. Teach him that a few beers is the way to do it. If a bunch of 16 yo's are figuring it out on their own it's going to be binge drinking. I did that way too much and regret it. Plus it could be a good bonding / coming of age thing for you guys.

When did your son go to his first river party?

I agree that 21 is too old, if you are old enough to fight and die for your country, you damn well ought to be able to have a drink legally. And like most here, I started drinking well before my 21st birthday.

Still, a parent-sanctioned party where teenagers will be drinking is just a bad, bad idea. Too much opportunity for trouble, even with an adult present. You want to introduce your kid to alcohol before they are legal, that's fine, IMO. But do it by sharing a beer or two with them, at home, no other kids present, so they can feel the effects before they put themselves in a bad situation.

ProDarwin wrote: I do hear an advertisement on the radio periodically that says something to the effect of: Someone who starts drinking at age 15 has a ~40% chance of becoming and alcoholic. Someone who starts at age 21 has a ~7% chance. Pretty big difference, and pretty berkeleying important. I'd like to know more details regarding this study.

Be careful of causation there... the kid who seeks alcohol at 15 may be internally wired very differently from the kid who patiently waits until 21.

gearheadmb wrote: This is tough. But I think what Huck said might be your best option. Telling him no but expecting it to happen sometime. I think just giving him an open green light is abad idea. Maybe try drinking at home with him a few times is a good idea. Teach him that a few beers is the way to do it. If a bunch of 16 yo's are figuring it out on their own it's going to be binge drinking. I did that way too much and regret it. Plus it could be a good bonding / coming of age thing for you guys.

When my parenting advice is anyone's "best" option things are really dire. The things did not come with instructions and are way more complicated than Ikea furniture. I have no idea if it's going to turn out OK. That is why I had two - the first one is experimental.

16? NFW!

And it's one thing for kids to sneak off in the woods and drink a six-pack. At a party hosted by adults? That's absolutely criminal.

In reply to ProDarwin:

Really, I think we can just look at the rest of the world for some better opinions there. I think we're one of only a handful of countries with such a high drinking age, and in turn,, lots of problems with college kids who never had any experience acting like they've been drinking for 30 years and pulling a Jimi Hendrix.

Media making it glamorous doesn't help either. Ads, music especially,and even movies always make everything look like such a blast.

So we have something that looks fun, makes you think you're better than you are, yet you're told to stay away from because it's bad.. That's just a perfect storm to cause problems.

Responsible drug use(alcohol is a drug after all), much like safe sex requires a better education than "just say no".

That's not to say buy your kid a keg with their first car, but it's a lot more grey than it is black or white.

Robbie wrote:

ProDarwin wrote: I do hear an advertisement on the radio periodically that says something to the effect of: Someone who starts drinking at age 15 has a ~40% chance of becoming and alcoholic. Someone who starts at age 21 has a ~7% chance. Pretty big difference, and pretty berkeleying important. I'd like to know more details regarding this study.

Be careful of causation there... the kid who seeks alcohol at 15 may be internally wired very differently from the kid who patiently waits until 21.

Precisely.

My folks let me try stuff, I was probably 8 or 9 when dad let me have a sip of Red Dog, probably why he let me try it, that was nasty and I wasn't in any hurry to have any more beer.

In high school I had a friend who's dad had a "man cave" garage, pool table, darts, jukebox, and a RC Cola machine that dispensed Bud Lite. Friend's parents were very much of the mind set that the kids were going to drink anyway, better they be allowed to do it at their house supervised. We spent a lot of time at his house, and while it was common knowledge among our friends, most of our parents didn't have a clue why we were always at that friends house, other than, "they have a pool table."

That said, while I wasn't a prude, I was still the DD 99% of the time. I eventually acquired a taste for beer, but even today, long past the legal age milestone, I'm a 1 or 2 drinks max alcohol consumer.

Not a parent here, but I've lived in several countries with much lower drinking ages and definitely imbibed plenty before 21 while living in this one. In other countries (England, the Netherlands, Germany, etc.) alcohol is treated very very differently than here. Most people don't go out with the intention of getting hammered. Rather, alcohol is treated as a social lubricant and if you happen to get a little drunk, it's just a byproduct of the night. It's a subtle difference but an important one. I think that 15 or 16 is plenty old enough to begin building a good relationship with alcohol. A lot of the behaviors we make early in our teenage years stick with us for life.

With that being said, it should be made clear to everyone at that age that drinking is mutually exclusive with driving. That "I was drunk" is not an excuse for poor/stupid behavior. And to respect everyone (especially women) while enjoying alcohol. As adults, I think we also need to be good teachers and mentors here while leaving judgement at the door and making sure that the person knows they can always call us if something bad happens while they were drinking.

Still, still. It's a dumb idea for an adult to explicitly allow a group of teenagers to get wasted in their house.