What to do with shiny happy co-worker

I used to slowly inch them into a mental breakdown.  It’s probably not the best solution but it’s fun.

In reply to barefootskater :

While short and dismissive is definitely not the best choice, in my opinion your current method is indirectly condoning and enabling his behavior.  If you don't mind it, that's fine...But you did start this thread for a reason after all. 

If you're not willing to talk to him directly about it, I was going to recommend an alternative attitude towards him of cool, distant, and indifferent, regardless of whatever mood he is in towards you on any given day...But honestly, the only way it's likely to ever change is if you find a way tackle it head-on..

In reply to Wally :

Yes. This is the sort of depravity I expect from the internet. It would be very easy to get myself into a lot of trouble with this guy. He is super homophobic and I am quite comfortable making people uncomfortable. In fact, the only time I know he ever reported me was when I came to work with painted nails, which of course I did just to mess with him. Great success.

In reply to Driven5 :

I agree. It is a problem and the fact that it is directed only at me is a bit of the bull feces. We have come to some rather ... not quite heated... discussions in the past. I just don't know what the best answer is.

What about once he starts being friendly with you again after a bout of shininess, asking "I noticed you acting differently towards me than everybody else yesterday (the past few days) and differently than you usually act towards me, but seem back to usual with me again today.  Is there a reason that you were acting out against me like that?  This has happened before, and I'd like to prevent it from happening again."

I definitely agree, document everything. If there are any emails or texts, KEEP them. As for someone's suggestion to talk to him about it, I would avoid that. He could turn things around on you. If you say anything, speak to upper manager. 

Not to be nosy, but you mentioned you know what's going on in his personal life that may affect his mood swings. I don't recall you saying generally what that was but share that it might help with some of the advice being given here.

If he's the type of person that would turn it around on you, just have your manager bring the two of you in to talk it out with your manager there as a witness and mediator. The manager should even be willing/able to put it into the context of noticing it himself and bringing you two in 'of his own accord', rather than it seeming like the two of you against the third (shiny) guy. Helping with minor conflict resolution within the team is one of the characteristics of a good manager, if  not specifically one of their responsibilities.  And if your manager isn't willing to do this bare minimum in the best interest of his team,  then maybe it is indeed time to start looking for other employment opportunities with more profession environments and cultures.

In reply to Ovid_and_Flem :

It is none of my business, but its always boils down to money doesn't it?

In reply to barefootskater :

I was lucky that the only time I worked with a real shiny happy person was in a small shop that didn’t have an hr department.  At first I ignored him then his drinking started taking off and he would get crazy. I was young, dumb and had lots of free time so I worked at giving it right back to him. It was highly enjoyable and we both survived but he had to take a vacation to dry out. 

Wally said:

I used to slowly inch them into a mental breakdown.  It’s probably not the best solution but it’s fun.

 I like this.

He could be the Jim to his Dwight.

This may seem cold, but when I was working, I had the attitude that I was there to make money, not friends.   Pal around with the co-workers you get along with, ignore the idiot.  Don't get sick over this.  Right now, he has the upper hand.  If 80% of your days are good, you're doing well.   

In reply to Dirtydog :

I am here to make money. And 98% of the time I can ignore the idiot.

A wise man once told me that a really good job can be a really crummy job if your coworkers are jerks, and inversely, a really crummy job can be made good if your coworkers are cool. This job is pretty good, even if it will never make me rich.

Driven5 said:

In reply to barefootskater :

While short and dismissive is definitely not the best choice, in my opinion your current method is indirectly condoning and enabling his behavior.  If you don't mind it, that's fine...But you did start this thread for a reason after all. 

If you're not willing to talk to him directly about it, I was going to recommend an alternative attitude towards him of cool, distant, and indifferent, regardless of whatever mood he is in towards you on any given day...But honestly, the only way it's likely to ever change is if you find a way tackle it head-on..

Any possible mental health issues with this guy? If not then Driven5 is on the mark.

In reply to Appleseed :

Have you ever flown in a part 135 operation as a copilot?  Some newly certified jet captains can be true martinets . They have new authority and are often scared E36 M3less.  I quit my job and planned to ride the bus home from El Paso. My chief pilot talked me into bringing the aircraft home and I would never have to fly with captain cock again . 

. My advice to the original question is document it but let it slide if it is not affecting anyones performance at work.

In reply to Appleseed :

Oh , I just reread it and see that this is a student pilot. I would just ignore. He has no experience and has read all of the books and knows everything. He will figure out his error soon .

Exactly. As a student, I shut up and listened, because the things I learned kept me and my passengers alive. Being a know-it-all student pilot is a quick way to end up a lawn dart.