What would you do?

I pulled this comment out of the harrassment thread, because that thread is about women, not about me. That's an important thread, and I don't want to dilute it. 

So, I am putting it here in the form of a question...

I was checking supply inventories today in the janitor's closet. A subordinate was helping me. Small talk.

She recently returned to work after being sick for a few days. I asked her casually if she was feeling better. She said she could use a hug and wrapped her arms around me.  I stepped back, and told her that was probably not a good idea. 

Awkward. 

I am her supervisor. I could discipline her, or take any of several actions.  But it's gonna come down to her word against mine, and I don't think I am gonna win that battle.  I have no idea what she would say.  She has been a valued team leader for 16 years.   I just started.

Obviously, I won't be going into the janitor's closet with her again.  But that is part of my job.

This  is a confusing time.   

(BTW, her inappropriate actions are likely the direct result of a history of being treated abusively by other men in her life. I think she is starved for positive attention and sees me as a decent guy who treats her fairly. So, I'm not letting men who are jerks off the hook, but that doesn't make my particular workplace dilemma easier to deal with)

What would you do?

I would document the incident with HR and keep my distance. 

HR department is a department of 1. 

The HR Director is close friends with this woman. 

Go talk to HR. Tell them what happened. Probably doesn't require discipline, but it does require a paper trail if discipline is needed in the future. A documented history removes the my word vs. her word angle. 

Put some Barry White on a jam box in the janitor's closet.

Just kidding. These are akward times. Chalk it up to a bad decision on her part and put it behind you.

In reply to EastCoastMojo :

That's funny!

Oh, and not a first offense...

Document with an email to your self and hr.   Bcc a personal email.  

mazdeuce - Seth said:

Go talk to HR. Tell them what happened. Probably doesn't require discipline, but it does require a paper trail if discipline is needed in the future. A documented history removes the my word vs. her word angle. 

Exactly. I would tell HR that you aren't requesting any action, that's on them. But you want a trail incase she needs a cash windfall a decade or two later. 

Post removed 

In reply to 759NRNG :

Dude.  Seriously.  The manasks for help not your own beliefs.  Help a brother out.  Jeez.  

In reply to Fueled by Caffeine :

Lol!  

It's ok. It's GRM. I expect all advice to be laced with a healthy dose of chasing rabbits!

I'm gonna need a LOT of help. I've only been at this job for about 4 months, and a dozen or more women have been hitting on me. 3 have touched me inappropriately (including rubbing their breasts against me). 2 have called me at home after hours (clearly intoxicated). The 1st week, 1 handed me a post-it note with her Ashley Madison user name written on it. 

I can't figure out what the heck is going on.  This is totally bizarre.  Must be in the water ...

Anyway, I'm gonna need a lot of help!

That's tough, you hate to take her moment of vulnerability and turn it into an HR issue, but at the same time it's a sketchy time out there for men.  If she twists your rejection in her mind she could even call it harassment (which is whatever a harassee decides it is sadly) and you're hung out to dry.   

I'm afraid do have to err on the side of covering my six and talk to HR about creating a paper trail just for your protection.  Strange time we live in.

In reply to SVreX :

I hope the money is good because in my opinion there are a ton of ways these situations could go all pear shaped on you. Good luck.

Have you switched to using Axe(r) recently?  I've been understood that simply spraying their products all over your life like an Iranian chemical weapon will make the ladies do that to you.

They have documentaries on it, generally they're about 30 seconds long apiece.

Could you counsel her? What I mean is to calmly and professionally explain how her actions were inappropriate. Some people have a difficult time distinguishing where "the line" was crossed and in their minds, they didn't mean any wrong doing.

I just got out of the Air Force after 15 years and have supervised many people, from all walks of life. Sometimes all a person needs is clarification on your standards as a supervisor. Communication and understanding by both parties is key.

That being said, supervising people is challenging. It was easily the most difficult aspect of my military career. I've made my fair share of mistakes but tried to learn from them.

Oh and definitely document the behavior. Not only does it cover your ass but it can also document a pattern.

Part of me says get a document trail just in case, but the other side of me says to also talk with her an explain to her why you can't hug her. 

Well, I already talked with her. Apparently did not change it for her.  She's got a E36 M3ty marriage, and is ready to do risky things  

I've managed people my entire life, but 99% of them have been men (with no effective HR department). I tell them, "Don't berkeley around", and we get back to work. 

This is different...

Clearly you need to either grow a beard or stop using deodorant. Maybe both. 

In reply to EastCoastMojo :

I have a beard. I'm trying to come up with a wise crack about deodorant, but you are one of the few women in this board, and I'm scared of it sounding like sexual harrassment!  ;-P

Thats rough, id document it with HR. It saved my ass when it happened to me while on a trip to a former companys new york location. Some women really domt handle rejection well and if she complains first your probably extra screwed.

You need a less manly beard then. Maybe make a point to belch a lot?  Just stop being so damn attractive, you're just asking for trouble. 

In reply to EastCoastMojo :

lol!

You gotta take the Mike Pence approach and never be alone with a woman at work. You  need to let them know that you are very happily married and not interested in extracurricular activity. Hopefully they will respect that. Good luck.

If she’s got issues, even ones not her fault, that’s a red flag. You need to tell her AGAIN that you’re her supervisor, coworker, and friend -IN THAT ORDER - and while you are willing to lend a sympathetic ear, that will never become a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold. 

And without doubt, send a simple and dispassionately worded email to HR explaining what happened, how you responded, and that you are only wishing to establish a record of the event, not make it an incident report or disciplinary action at this time. 

As others have said, CC your work and personal emails as well.