What's the big deal?

There's nothing wrong with you – I'm female and feel the same way. While I'm really glad for my friends when they've procreated, I just didn't get the warm and gushy baby-loving gene either. In fact, whenever a co-worker brought their bundle of joy into work, I'd run and find some of "the women" to make a big fuss so I could slip away unnoticed.

I realllllly hate being in a public place with crying babies, it just makes me feel anxious as hell. However... I was there 20 minutes after my nephew arrived into the world and loved spending time with him. I held him, looked after him, read to him when he was little and we have a great bond now.

I think it's a really emotionally tough time for your partner though, so probably a bit of understanding would go a long way.

I always tell people that I won't hold your baby for the same reason I won't test drive an expensive car, I can't afford to fix it if I break it.

I think its kind of an shiny happy person move to insist that someone hold a baby who isn't comfortable with holding one. I don't force my liberal friends to fondle firearms in my place.

I love babies. Have four of the little creatures. Stay at home dad for every day of their lives so far. If you think people think you're weird because you don't like babies, I guarantee that they think you're even weirder if you're a dude that does. This isn't really about liking babies, it's about being on the same team. She's on the loves babies team and you're not. That's quite likely a problem. Lots of different ways to try and fix it, but just ignoring or pretending it's not a big deal probably isnt one of them.

I have two kids, still don't like babies, and didn't spend a lot of time holding my own. My wife loves them, but doesn't care for toddlers, which I think are a riot. If we're in a restaurant and a baby starts crying, I'll get up and leave.

Kids are great when they're someone elses. Says the father of 3 and grandfather of 2 with a 3rd on the way. Feel the same way about other peoples kids. I usually tell them "been there done that your turn now". Agree, your own kids you'll have a different opinion with. As for the grandkids, I like holding them when they are around. They are in Raliegh, NC and I'm in Alabama so only see them a couple times a year. My oldest daughter is due in early July and she's local. Her and her mom have arranged that her mom (grandma) will be the daycare while daughter (mom) is working. Wife (grandma) told me that she wants me to change my work schedule to get every other friday off (an option at work) so I can babysit on those days. Told her she has the grandparent thing wrong, grandparents aren't full time babysitters. grandparents are supposed to spoil the kids once in a while and give them back to their parents. And that is what I'm planning on doing. Daughter did tell me that when the kid gets older she wants me to teach him about mechanical things. Her husband doesn't know anything about that stuff and she refused to learn when growing up around me. Youngest daughter who did learn some about mechanical things likes someone elses kids but has no desire for her own, at least right now.

A turn of the tables:

So, long story short, the husband and I can't have a Miata, husband's depressed, his best friend bought a Miata in November, husband is infatuated with Miata.

Onward.

I don't like working on cars, it makes me uncomfortable and I don't get those warm gushy feelings it seems everyone else gets when working on cars. I straight up just do not like working on cars. I made this clear to my husband when the Maita showed up in the driveway. I said I'll turn a wrench once so it doesn't look like I'm a total shiny happy person.

The first time the husband and I see the Miata, my husband and his friend spent a good 20-30 min guilt tripping me and I finally tightened a bolt, just so they would leave me alone. No gushy feelings.

The next time we go over to their house, I downright refuse to work on the Miata. When we leave, my husband gives me a lecture on how I am an shiny happy person and they are our best friends and blah blah blah. I became a space cadet at that point.

The husband went over there yesterday and got to work on the Miata and loved every minute of it. He came home and just went on about how fun it is and the noises it makes, etc. I didn't really care.

Late last night he decided inquire about why I didn't care, what my problem was with the Miata, and why I have a grudge against a Miata. I told him that I don't care about the Miata, there is nothing exciting about it. He says well maybe I would feel different if I would just drive it. I tell him no.

I feel like my husband is making a bigger deal out of this than I am. I felt that I voiced my feeling on the subject and that everyone should respect that.

Am I being an shiny happy person? Or is everyone making a big deal out of this?

Maybe when the day comes I have my own Miata, I will feel differently, but for the moment I don't like working on other peoples' cars.

LOberkeleyingL

In reply to RealMiniDriver:

I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted.

Good news: I will never ask you to hold my baby. Other news: I am berkeleying gushy about babies. Like: "They're better than pie and liberty and pork" gushy.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: In reply to RealMiniDriver: I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted.

The answer is always "laugh."

I was in the "don't like babies" for many, many years. I still don't like holding babies that are not blood related to me, but I will do it because it makes others happy.

I think you are in an entirely and very emotionally charged situation. As others have said, maybe you;'re catching a bit of anger over the situation. Is it also possible that your wife is worried that your current lack of love towards the babies will continue if you adopt?

z31maniac wrote:

PseudoSport wrote:

92CelicaHalfTrac wrote:

stuart in mn wrote:

Javelin wrote: Grow up and play with the kid. The first time it recognizes that it remembers you and smiles will change your life.

Everyone is different...I have 20 nephews and nieces, and I never did get used to babies. I do get along with them fine now that they're all grown up. Back to the original post, I see this becoming a big problem that you need to talk to your wife about...you don't want kids and she apparently does, and it's not going to get better by avoiding the issue.

Doesn't matter what she wants, they can't have kids... Wife still seems to be going all ga-ga over other people's kids, which is normal. Husband doesn't seem to care. Which is also normal. What's not normal is wife dressing down husband over not wanting to hold a baby. That's what needs to be addressed. I'm extremely uncomfortable around babies, don't want to touch them, hell, i don't even want to be in the same room with them. I WILL fight you to the bitter end over holding one. It's NOT going to happen. I'm also not going to have any of my own. End of story. I'm not going to "grow up and play with the kid." My life choice.

I feel exactly the same way.

Agreed. And i've got three nephews who 7, 5, and 3. They are cool and all, and I'll hang out with them when they are around. But I'm not picking them up to babysit or going out of my way. I have no intention of having kids either. This place has too many people as it is.

This is a subject that is kinda different for me. Long story short, I met this girl while she was pregnant, married her after she had her kid(man I was young and stupid), and helped raise her kid for a little while. I ended up having a pretty close bond with her child, Rachel. I still remember her birthday, June, 22nd, 2002. Other than my best friend, its the only other birthday I can remember. Her mother, my wife at the time, ended up being a piece of E36 M3 and I left her. I still think about how old Rachel is now and hope she is doing well, but have zero communication with my ex-wife due to her bat E36 M3 craziness. It was weird, maybe I was just young and stupid, but I really loved my wife in the beginning and really cared about her child.

But now, I could care less about holding someone else's child. Just not interested. You might as well be handing me a pile of E36 M3 wrapped in blankets. I really don't want to touch them, blood relative or not.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: In reply to RealMiniDriver: I don't know whether to laugh or be insulted.

In no way was that meant as an insult. It was just a thought I had, regarding the differences between the way men and women are programmed.

Think about that for a minute.

How would your wife react, if you were to thrust one of your passions - cars, hunting, model trains, etc. - upon her (at your friend's house, no less), that she had absolutely no interest in. Would she be the shiny happy person, for not getting excited about it, or would you be the shiny happy one, for getting upset and calling her on the carpet?

I do understand your fertility situation, but that's not the matter at hand.

In reply to RealMiniDriver:

Ahh, I get wheat you're saying.