Who's good with stress management?

So, as of a month ago, I have left auto racing since my Wife is 7 months pregnant and I have decided that being close to home and not traveling was the best decision for us. I don't want to miss out on moments like first steps, first tooth, first words. So I have taken a job at a local Jaguar dealership as a Service Adviser.

In this position a month, I have found myself VERY stressed at situations that arise. For example, I am the early adviser that opens the Service Drive and handle the early appointments. This morning, I had two "Waiters" and my computer was being a piece of E36 M3. I found myself freaking out and my boss came over and tried to defuse the situation.

He brought me in the office and sat me down and told me I am doing great, but need to manage stress better. Do you guys know of any good remedies for handling stress?

Subbed for advice. In the same boat.

Stress bleeds over from one area of your life to others. A 7 month pregnant wife will certainly do it. Money will do it. Feeling like there isn't enough time to do the things you want to do will do it. Worry of the state of the world will do it.

Identify the key items that are weighing on your mind and address them. I was stressed out before my divorce because of her family and a staggering lack of intimacy, it manifested in angry outbursts which further drove us apart. Now I stress over money but having the right partner in my life makes even that much more manageable.

It sounds cliche, but for me it's to focus on the things that you can change/help. The trick is that you have to make the conscious recognition that you're losing control due to it, and then mentally go through your troubleshooting checklist of what you can do about it.

For your example situation, can you keep a stack of blank work orders handy and write one out manually for the customer to sign? Explain that your computer is more of a 9-5 than a 7-3 kinda machine, and you apologize, but "can we fill out the paperwork, get permission to work on the car going and then sort out the paper pushing part of it when the computer decides to get with the program?" That'll at least get the service part rolling.

After the customer is no longer waiting on the computer and standing in front of you, then most likely it'll turn into a good excuse to grab some tea while you wait, 'cause there's nothing else to be done.

The reality of it is that it's like gaining/losing weight. You've somehow gotten to this point because this reaction was helpful in your previous existence (maybe panicking and working faster/louder was motivating to the race team or something?) Just like you don't gain 50 pounds with one big meal, you have to work at it for a few years by overeating. Coming off the ledge will take some time as well, and conscious effort to chill out, just like you have to force yourself not to take that plate of seconds when you're already full.

Money is a hot topic in our household. I was making good money in the Racing World, but it was a 1099 type of position, so I had to get a job that had withholdings and benefits for the Wife and baby. We definitely don't argue. Hell, I have never raised my voice at her ever! It is more stress in the workplace. I know it is apart of the job, but I don't want bosses, coworkers and customers seeing stress.

If money is a hot topic, I recommend working out a comprehensive budget. It's about as fun as it sounds, but totally removes the money stress if done right.

We use a spreadsheet we found about 7 years ago by "leisureguy" called Within Your Means (link goes directly to the excel file, which as instructions). It's been perfect for us, it took about 3 or 4 evenings to setup, but it has money set aside if our fridge dies, the roof needs replaced, whatever. Time for more heating oil/wood/propane? It's covered.

It will put you on a cash allowance, which was the hardest part for me. After 6 months to a year, we're back to using credit cards for the rewards (never a balance!), but we still go over our finances every week.

The only way to remove money stress is having a REALLY solid plan, and REALLY REALLY good communication. Just making more of it isn't a good way to do it.

WonkoTheSane wrote: The reality of it is that it's like gaining/losing weight. You've somehow gotten to this point because this reaction was helpful in your previous existence (maybe panicking and working faster/louder was motivating to the race team or something?) Just like you don't gain 50 pounds with one big meal, you have to work at it for a few years by overeating. Coming off the ledge will take some time as well, and conscious effort to chill out, just like you have to force yourself not to take that plate of seconds when you're already full.

I believe you might have something there. It was stressful working on the race teams, but it was making sure the car was ready for the next session, along the lines of time management. There was added stress caused by my old boss at Gainsco (God, I will not get into that story), but my boss here is one hell of a nice guy. Easily the nicest boss I've had in the last 5 years!

People will look at me funny, but-

Seriously. Meditate. Sit in a room for 10-15 minutes every day, completely silent alone and in the dark, and just focus on breathing, and being aware in your surroundings. Don't think of work, family, stress, anything other than simply being in that room, at that time.

I used to have huge stress management issues, that let to anxiety, panic attacks, and ultimately when I'd ignore it for too long, complete mental and physical breakdown. I learned that there is not a single problem on your brain that can be solved in a heightened state of stress. I highly advise it. If you don't want to 'meditate', don't. Sit in a darkened room in isolation and just focus on slow-breathing- in through the mouth and out through the nose... as slowly and as big of breaths as you can manage. Think only of breathing.

I'll go so far as saying this-

If you set a timer for 10 minutes and do the above and really REALLY focus on breathing and not on any other life matters, I completely guarantee you will feel better physically and emotionally when time is up. It's not a cure-all, but it absolutely helps put things into perspective- problems will always be present. Take some time to relax and get your mind off them, for your own personal well-being.

There are these things called dumbells.

Pick them up.. Put them down.. Over and over again.

Also, riding a bike or any other physical activity.. It helps me manage. But mostly the weights.

I once left work with chest pains due to stress, baby with health problems, working at Amazon HQ during Peak, and being far from family was a horrible combination. Getting myself in shape and in control of myself helped more than I can ever say.

berkeley it, Dude, let's go bowling. - Walter Sobchak

There is zen in letting E36 M3 go.

I'm terrible at it. I work constantly and ignore everything going wrong. Eventually I will have a nice quick heart attack or I won't. I make sure the life insurance is paid every month and one day The Wife will get a nice payday and some peace and quiet.

There was a spot outside my office that had an apple tree. I used to show up 30 minutes early and have a cup of coffee/tea outside by the tree while I zoned out. No one walked by there, no one bothered me, and man did it mellow me out in a job I absolutely hated. Maybe you could find a similar place?

Maybe walk the wholesale lot and see if there are any cool cars in to daydream about before you start the shift?

Wall-e wrote: I'm terrible at it. I work constantly and ignore everything going wrong. Eventually I will have a nice quick heart attack or I won't. I make sure the life insurance is paid every month and one day The Wife will get a nice payday and some peace and quiet.

Nope.

You're one of my favorite people in this forum. Unless your life insurance plan has a means to instate a GRM-replacement for you then I can't let you go forward with this.

Sorry man. Submit a new proposal in 90 days for final disapproval.

Relevant, but I feel like I'm doing pretty good considering I'm in the process of moving right now.

I used to zone out on the train to/from work. Now I drive my MIL to work (disabled). She needs to work until February when she can go on disability and then retire without fear of losing retirement benefits. Part of me hopes that she works for years longer. Part of me hopes she stops working in March, and I can get my train ride back and not drive her in sit-and-go for 2 hours a day, and be a captive audience with her for 2 hours a day.

My stress management is getting home, kissing the wife, changing into comfortable clothes, grabbing [B]A[/B] drink, and playing guitar for a while until dinner is ready. For as long as I'm driving her mother, my wife is very good about handling a lot of the household stuff. I'm also starting reffing hockey again, which brings in more money and is exercise and fun. So there is that as well. It all helps a little bit.

While at work, my stress management is my breaks and my lunch. I take a 15 minute coffee break in the morning. Usually with my manager. I take a 20-60 minute lunch almost every day (averages around 30). I leave my desk, no matter what even though I usually bring my lunch. I try to take a walk during this. Then I take another 15 minute coffee break in the afternoon, again, usually with my manager or director. It helps. Not sure if this is possible or not for you, but I'm a firm believer that my breaks and lunch make me much more efficient and I get more, and better, work done for taking them.

Thanks fellas. It's tough trying to let everything go and not take Service so personal, but i will figure out a way of doing it. I do have a spare room to sit and think. I also have a bike that i can blow the dust off of. Since I'm in this new position of being infront of the customer, I think i need to nip this in the butt quickly.

Watching with interest and taking notes.

My stress, anxiety, depression not only taxes me mentally, but physically as well. I have chronic neck and back pain. MRIs and x-rays show that I'm mechanically sound, but muscle tension is wreaking havoc on my spine and range of motion.

Work is inherently high stress and complicated. Add being commission based pay and anxiety soars through the roof.

DukeOfUndersteer wrote:

WonkoTheSane wrote: The reality of it is that it's like gaining/losing weight. You've somehow gotten to this point because this reaction was helpful in your previous existence (maybe panicking and working faster/louder was motivating to the race team or something?) Just like you don't gain 50 pounds with one big meal, you have to work at it for a few years by overeating. Coming off the ledge will take some time as well, and conscious effort to chill out, just like you have to force yourself not to take that plate of seconds when you're already full.

I believe you might have something there. It was stressful working on the race teams, but it was making sure the car was ready for the next session, along the lines of time management. There was added stress caused by my old boss at Gainsco (God, I will not get into that story), but my boss here is one hell of a nice guy. Easily the nicest boss I've had in the last 5 years!

I'll pile on to this as well.

If the race team work was like when I worked flight test support, everything is a crisis, and it's all worked accordingly. On the back side of successfully addressing the crisis, which due to their nature, tend to be short term, there's a real rush of (approaching instant) gratification.

This is addictive. This is the ledge.

You may find that you don't really know how to work in any other situation than a crisis, therefore everything becomes one. Creating crises when the situation doesn't justify one raises your stress level and can make you unpleasant to work with, regardless of whether or not you are just crushing it performance wise.

I'm going to piggy back here because I'm working through my own stress right now.
Everything seems so damn IMPORTANT. One kid in high school and another starting next year. I know how fast these years go and how they can shape heading into adulthood. Being there for them really is important.
And the two young get kids still deserve to have me there and present before/after school and go on field trips and read to their classes when asked just like I did for the big kids. It's important.
Getting the kitchen re-done at a quality level equal to the living room is going to make Mrs. Deuce very happy. She's excited. Following through with this is very important.
And then there is car stuff. Getting the Insight together so kid#1 can learn to drive when she turns 15. Important. Getting together a RX car becuause kid#2 outgrew the Rallykart this summer and wants to drive. Important. I have autocross students reach out to ask if I'm going to be at the next event because they want me in the car for a run or two. Important.

Honestly, it was easier having babies around. I had one important thing that took up 95% of my time and energy and everything else could berkeley off. I was very focused and happier.
And meditating helps but only to a point. I can calm and focus for only so long before I damn near have a panic attack over all of the things creeping in from the side. Any more than about 10 minutes is turning into a negative though I am getting better at recognizing peak calm and walking away at that point.

Having stress in multiple places is tough, try and remember there are some things that you have no control over. There is nothing you can so and getting all worked up isn't helping. For example if the computer is being special, do what Wonko mentioned , have a work order handy to fill out by hand. The customer won't care they just want to drop off the car and be on their way. They leave happy, you feel better. If work is stressing you at home try and leave work at work. I used to have a really hard time with this. If I knew tomorrow I have to get "X" done I would obsess about it all night at home. Did it help? Very rarely. it just got everyone at home all wound up. Same goes for bringing stuff to work, do your best to concentrate on where you are. I frequently work in situations where we have time constraints (shutting off power to entire building) and occasionally we are missing a needed part, or someone makes a mistake. When that happens, the best course of action is to stop for a minute and come up with alternative plans. Your first reaction may be to freak out or scream at someone, but what does that accomplish? Take a deep breath and realize you can't solve every problem that comes up in an instant and most reasonable people will not expect you to. It sounds like your bosses like what you are doing and you just need to chill a little. Dealing with unreasonable customers will make that very challenging. I had a co worker years ago who confided in me that when we were in project meetings with the customers and they started ticking him off, he would say "thank you" to every comment or change they wanted, only in his head he wasn't saying "thank you" but "F*** you". It made him feel like he wasn't getting trampled by them. In the racing world you must have had some tricks to deal with last minute adjustments/changes, think back to how you dealt with them. In the end remember not to worry about the things you have no control over, it just wastes your time end energy. Wait until your baby arrives, then not much else in the world really matters other than is he/she happy and healthy and what a miracle kids are. For the next 15- 20 years that little person will drive you crazy but it will be worth every minute of it. Remember to breathe!

Info provided here is good!

Meditation aka decompression is good stress reliever. You may need to figure out what kind of stressor it is (eustress = good or distress = bad) and what triggers each.

For me, eustress can cause distress and vice versa. There are times I use eustress as a counter to distress. Regardless of the stress, I want to use it's energy constructively.

Example:

I'm a worrywart. It causes debilitating anxiety and emotional depletion (distress). I take the energy of worrying and redirect it to learning a new skill (eustress). However, due to my personality, I have to be careful an keep my "perfectionist" nature at bay so I won't fall back into distress. Some people call it ADHD . . . For me, I just need a quick, easy win (eustress) to counter a loss (distress).

I've used distress to actually create a eustress. The Project Management Professional exam I prepared for and took last year was HUGE distress. If I failed, all my hours of hard work and experience (not to mention $$$$ - both spent and potential earnings) would be invalidated. I completely shut myself off for 4 months. After passing it on the first try, it helped me improve my performance across other capability areas. I've become more confident at speaking engagements, in my work, and abilities.

With all that said, I think you'll be best served with defining your type of stressor and trigger. After than, you can focus on the correct relief. PM for some more stuff . . .

I punch things an lift heavy objects. Not sure if it is helping with the stress but I don;t blow up at people anymore.

The trick with stress is what you allow to stress you. Now, you can let whatever you want eat you up. You can have a pile of waiters, a broken computer, be out of coffee, whatever. How you react is what matters. You can't change that sometimes, people will wait. Sometimes, computers will break. You can either let them eat you, or move along, and prioritize. If you have two people waiting, you probably want to help them first. Get an it nerd to fix the pc, and have a desk monkey fix the coffee. They don't all have to be you.

Does stress management = large amounts of whiskey?

If so , yeah I'm an expert

wearymicrobe wrote: I punch things an lift heavy objects. Not sure if it is helping with the stress but I don;t blow up at people anymore.

Now that you mention it, I have a stump in my back yard.

When I'm feeling a bit "wound" I go out back with an ax and shovel and try to uproot the bastard. Breaking a sweat and making a few blisters does help me unwind a bit in a pinch

I'll take a different approach here. Sure, this is easy armchair quarterbacking but you asked.

I see your stresser as CHANGE. You have changed work, social and home at the same time and that is a lot of change.

Work: Used to be race cars. You worked with people who all had the same common goal and that was the race. Sure, some people may have had "agendas" but at the end of the week...it was all about the race. Add to that most of your work interactions were likely with people who "spoke the language" of race cars.
Now, you are dealing with the general public...oh, joy. These people don't "speak the language" and every customer tells you a variation on the same phrase, "I don't know, it's just not working right." I see that frustration.

Social: Since race cars was a travel job, even if you grew tired of the travel it can be a hard habit to break. The social aspect of the relationship your create with travel partner co-workers is far greater than the social relationship you are having with the other "clock puncher" co-workers at the dealership.

Also, that travel (and now lack of it) has changed your home life and home relationship. You used to "hit the road" and leave some of that "home burden" behind. Now you are home every day and there is less escape.

I have no real answer other than to see all this change at once and try to accept that difference.
The computer trouble was not the stress it was the trigger that over boiled the other stresses.