Why does losing a pet hurt so much?

Yesterday, around 3:00, I had to do one of the hardest things of my life and put down our cat Zoe.

She was well into her 20s, had lived a great life and we knew this day was coming (we're certain she had some kind of cancer), but somehow none of that made yesterday any easier.

I'm trying to find comfort in knowing she isn't suffering anymore, but I just miss her so much.

I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is by sharing her story and how I feel, it might help me get through her passing.

I was only here for part of her life (my wife got Zoe when she was about 5 years old), but I'm amazed at the impact she's made on mine.

I know I'll be okay, and everything will get better, but I never realized it could hurt so much.

So if you have a pet near you, give them a hug or a few extra pets for me.

Wow, she looks just like one of my childhood cats, Ira.

Losing a pet hurts because a full life for them feels like too short to us.  Twenty-plus years is an excellent run for a cat, and you can be proud of keeping her healthy all that time, and of knowing when it was time to do what needed to be done.

Plus, there's that whole unconditional love thing...

My condolences to you and your family.

In reply to Duke :

Thank you. Most of the credit goes to my wife keeping her alive, but I did become the one that fed her so I'll take some of the credit.

Part of me thinks she lived so long because out of the whole litter my wife could have picked from, she picked the ugliest kitten of the bunch. Apparently, Zoe's fur when she was a baby was pretty patchy at the time.

What Duke said. Our oldest dog gave us a real scare week before last. 

We woke to a crate covered in vomited blood, and he did it 4 more times before we could get him to the vet that's only about 2 miles away. The initial diagnosis was a rare condition that he said he's never seen a dog survive, so we both the spent morning balling our eyes out afraid we were doing to have to make the same decision. 

Thankfully, he responded to fluids and meds, and it was the initial condition the vet was afraid of. But with his breed, he's reached the age where nearly all of them start to have heart problems. 

All that to say, so sorry for your loss. It sucks. 

I have had two cats live to over 20

Any cat living over 20 is a strong indicator that the cat was very well loved and cared for, as well its an age range that no matter the level of care, the time comes. That doesnt make it any easier. Best wishes in your difficult time. 

To some, pets are better than people. They're certainly more important.

Thank you for the kind words everyone, they mean a lot.

And I agree, I know she wasn't a person, but the unconditional love I had for her (and that she hopefully had for me) makes this that much harder to work through.

I just found this Polaroid of her, and so I have it right here on my desk so she can lay on my desk while I work, just like old times.

I've had to do this twice, each time it was because they were suffering and uncomfortable; I consoled myself by knowing they were in a better place resting easy.

I'm sorry, it sure does suck.

It hurts because they are so much a part of your life. 

I didn't realize cats could live past 20. That's a good long life. 

My condolences. They're family, and they're always there for you. Just like you're there for them. It's hard, but you know you made the right decision. 

I'm sure I'll mangle this, but:

"Everyone enters your life and stays long enough to teach you how to be a better, more loving person.  The reason our pets leave us so soon is because we have less to teach them than they us."

It's because they're fuzzy children. Losing a child is pain.

"Everyone enters your life and stays long enough to teach you how to be a better, more loving person.  The reason our pets leave us so soon is because we have less to teach them than they us."

Booyaa!!!!  this right  here  says  it ALL .....thank you amen brother.

So sorry, friend.

When I was younger I had lots of dogs and cats, and the losses just kept jabbing at me.  They all inevitably go, and we know this, but it doesn't change how much it sucks when they do.

Very sorry. Our cat Eoz (Zoe backwards) passed at 21 earlier this year. She had been a part of so much of our life as I am sure your car was. I'm so sorry. 

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

Mary Oliver
In Blackwater Woods

We have that hanging in our bedroom, received it shortly after our lovely cat Miette passed away. Like any cat we had our struggles (why the hell do they meow at 5am, there's literally nothing going on! Please lord let me sleep.) but she was a rescue and really did make it clear she appreciated us in the most amazingly human ways at times. It hurts so much because they depend on us and we know it, they know it, and we always feel like there must have been more we could do to save them. But old age for them just comes so much faster. We're never ready.

OK, weird anthropomorphizing story time: We had a buffet that was just at the right height to line up with a windowsill at our old house, and we had a bird feeder outside that window so of course Miette wanted to sit there. I noticed it, picked her up and put a pillow there, and set her on the pillow and sat down on a chair. She checked out the pillow, jumped down, ran over to me, jumped on my lap, gave me one lick on the hand, then jumped back down and ran over to the buffet, jumped on the pillow and laid down to watch the birds. I sat there staring at her for a long time, thinking, what the hell. That cat just said thanks.

She never liked kids, and we were childless until she was about 10 and so even when we had our first kid she just didn't want anything to do with her. Then we had our second kid, Maya. Maya is as gentle a soul as they come, and Miette picked up on that. She and Maya had an amazing bond that was also so mystifying to see. How could this cat possibly start putting up with kids for the first time in her life at like 12? Previously despite being the sweetest cat in the world to any adult, she would hiss at and run away from small children. Maya could lay down and put her head on Miette and Miette would give her a lick or two on the head and go to sleep. Literally night and day change. Maya is 4 now and Miette is no longer with us (berkeley cancer btw) and of course Maya misses her still.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words, they've helped a lot (that quote you shared, Mr_Asa, resonated with me and my wife).

To know I'm not alone in feeling this way gives me some sort of relief, and I'm beyond grateful I have this community to share my feelings.

For better or for worse, I also have a dog and another cat–neither quite as old Zoe was–and although I know I'll have to go through these feelings again, I'm making sure both are spoiled rotten for the rest of their lives. 

Oh no, you are not alone with this.  My daughter several years ago took a liking of Rattus norvegicus otherwise known as the brown rat which according to Wiki is where fancy rats and lab rats came from.  And I admit, rats are great pets.  They are quiet and relatively clean.  The only downside to them is their short lifespan of 2 to 2 1/2 years.  That makes the passing of a beloved pet a semi regular occurrence in the Noddaz household.  It is still difficult.

Putting a suffering pet down was one of the hardest days I ever experienced. Sorry for your loss. 

In reply to ddavidv :

Well thanks for making me cry this morning!