Woman beaten by unhappy customers

API - Pittsburgh, PA: A woman was severly beaten by an angry crowd of customers at a local Panera Bread after holding up the line at the soda fountain. Witnesses say that the woman was talking on her cell phone while filling her Diet Coke, and oblivious to the long line of people waiting in line behind her, kept putting in a little soda, waiting for the foamy head to die down, sipping it a little bit, then putting in some more and repeating the process over and over. The crowd was enraged by her failure to move her fat butt over enough to access even the Orange Fanta on the end. "They just attacked, a group of about 12 people. And you certainly can't blame them." exclaimed 89-year old Smantha Robinson, an eyewitness to the event.

One participant in the beating added; "What was she thinking? You can just go back and get a refill! Doesn't she know that people are on their lunch break? People like this should be flogged."

The woman has been identified as Sandy Asshat, from Pissonyouall, PA, a local college student and part-time sex-trade worker who was identified by her BMW taking up two parking spaces. According to one customer, identified only as pinchvalve; "This story is completely untrue, but I kinda wish it wasn't."

so how was your lunch break pinchvalve?

Dude, if you had set that to a theonion.com byline, I would have completely believed it.

And, frankly, I would have taken my cup, elbowed her out of the way, filled it, and walked away.

The kiddo and I were in line at a Zaxby's Saturday afternoon, the woman ahead of us actually did something similar. Yakking on the phone, etc, then when she finally did get her order in (she had to make a phone call about it, BTW) and she paid she just stood in front of the register (only one open) and bumped her damn gums while holding up the folks behind her. My kid being there is the only reason I didn't go all shiny happy person on her.

If my kid was with me, I would have pointed out how rude she was being after I asked her to relocate herself.

Don't let people get away with that crap.

There's a good chance her soda would have ended up all over her. You just got to know how to "accidentally" bump their elbow.

I knew this was a hoax because there is no berkeleying way you could be an unhappy customer after laying a justified beat down on a woman.

The only thing better than that would be a free glycol tap on the soda fountain for killing stray dogs.

Waiting for 4cylfury in 5, 4, 3, 2, ...

I was standing in this s00per long line at closing at a Canadian Tire the other day.

I was shuffling along with the rest of the crowd whenever somebody was done at the till, when I came to the part of the line where you had to stand on one side of the main isle (bisecting it in a perpendicular fashion). In order to not block the throughway, I obviously left a gap. Now, I was on my iphone (it was almost a 15 minute wait!) but I swear to god some guy just walked in front of me and stood in line.

I actually asked him "excuse me, did you just butt in front of me" as I was so shocked at what he did. He looked at me funny and said no, so either he's a really good bullE36 M3ter, or I am going crazy (he looked like a scumbag, so take that for what it's worth). I rarely am not aware of what is going on around me, and am 99% positive this douche nozzle just walked in front of me.

Luckily at that moment, customer service opened up their till to help get everyone out of the store, and I was the first to go there. I guess it worked out, but the gall of some people

I was waiting in line at our local Panera, ironically enough, one time when this very pampered-looking, sweater-knotted-around-her-shoulders country-clubber breezed right by me (and everyone else in line) and stepped to the register. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Um, excuse me, but we're waiting in line here," and she answered, "Of course you are, dear." Then she gave the counter person her order. I just about exploded, but she was oblivious. Really, I should've popped her one.

Margie

In reply to Marjorie Suddard:

Should have expanded the patio.

I was in the 8 items or less check-out line at the grocery store one day behind a lady that obviously couldn't count. So I helped her out. Everytime the girl scanned an item I counted - out loud.

I ended at 27!

This story made me happy even though it isn't true.

Of course, having never been in a Panera bread(I know to look at the parking lots, bmws and fancy suvs = no go for me) I can say I haven't had to deal with that kind of idiocy too often.

Marjorie Suddard wrote: I was waiting in line at our local Panera, ironically enough, one time when this very pampered-looking, sweater-knotted-around-her-shoulders country-clubber breezed right by me (and everyone else in line) and stepped to the register. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Um, excuse me, but we're waiting in line here," and she answered, "Of course you are, dear." Then she gave the counter person her order. I just about exploded, but she was oblivious. Really, I should've popped her one. Margie

If it's any consolation, her husband was cheating on her with a Costa Rican hottie at that very moment while on his "business trip."

Duke wrote: Dude, if you had set that to a theonion.com byline, I would have completely believed it. And, frankly, I would have taken my cup, elbowed her out of the way, filled it, and walked away.

He could submit it, make a few bucks.

Now I know why the Suddards have such lovely LARGE patios :p

The title reads as though this thread is about a prostitute.

Best part is "Pissonyou, PA" because at first glance it looks like it could be the name of a real place.

Marjorie Suddard wrote: I was waiting in line at our local Panera, ironically enough, one time when this very pampered-looking, sweater-knotted-around-her-shoulders country-clubber breezed right by me (and everyone else in line) and stepped to the register. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Um, excuse me, but we're waiting in line here," and she answered, "Of course you are, dear." Then she gave the counter person her order. I just about exploded, but she was oblivious. Really, I should've popped her one. Margie

Should have waited until her order was done, snatched it away from her and taken a big bite out of it. When she said "hey! that's mine!", you'd say " of course it is, DEAR!"

NGTD wrote: I was in the 8 items or less check-out line at the grocery store one day behind a lady that obviously couldn't count. So I helped her out. Everytime the girl scanned an item I counted - out loud. I ended at 27!

I try not to get too irritated about this one. I was at the store once, waiting in the proper line, with more than X items. The cashier in the X items or less aisle had no customers, and said she could take me at her register. So I broke the rule by invitation.

Now I only get irritated when someones cart in that aisle is obviously filled to the brim. They probably dont give a E36 M3.

carzan wrote: Should have waited until her order was done, snatched it away from her and taken a big bite out of it. When she said "hey! that's mine!", you'd say " of course it is, DEAR!"

Close... but waiting until she got it then slapping it onto the floor like a classic movie/tv bully would have been funnier.

"Sorry dear"

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

carzan wrote: Should have waited until her order was done, snatched it away from her and taken a big bite out of it. When she said "hey! that's mine!", you'd say " of course it is, DEAR!"

Close... but waiting until she got it then slapping it onto the floor like a classic movie/tv bully would have been funnier. "Sorry dear"

You forgot stepping on it. Always step on it!

lol glycol tap nice try

failboat wrote:

NGTD wrote: I was in the 8 items or less check-out line at the grocery store one day behind a lady that obviously couldn't count. So I helped her out. Everytime the girl scanned an item I counted - out loud. I ended at 27!

I try not to get too irritated about this one. I was at the store once, waiting in the proper line, with more than X items. The cashier in the X items or less aisle had no customers, and said she could take me at her register. So I broke the rule by invitation. Now I only get irritated when someones cart in that aisle is obviously filled to the brim. They probably dont give a E36 M3.

I have had that happen too, but in this case there was a line-up. I don't care if people are in the 8 or less line with 10 or 12, but 27!

That is not okay.

I'm usually a VERY patient guy, but I would've had the irresistible urge (after the 3rd or 4th top off) to reach over and dip a finger in the soda.

fart phone app

For about 4 seconds I thought this was a The Onion story

I have very little patience for ignorance in public situations like that, especially when said ignoramus is on a cell phone.