Challenge priced , and a great read,too!!!

The 1991 Capri: almost as underwhelming as the 1991 Lotus Elan at a fraction of the price.

Some opportunities come only once in a lifetime and such is the case with this SUPER RARE 1991 Mercury XR1 Capri. This is the world's finest, only existing 1991 XR1 Capri. I know this because Mercury only offered a base Capri and the Capri XR2 turbocharged model in 1991. I made this XR1 Capri by ordering a decal and since I stuck it on the car, I know for a fact that this is 1 of 0 XR1 Capris built by the factory. You can't get more rare than that.

This car, this paradox, this automotive enigma is an answer to an automotive question not that many people were asking in 1991. The powers that be at Ford decided that Mercury for some reason needed a Miata fighter, so they had their Aussie workers bolt together a car using, of all things, a Mazda 323 16-valve four-banger and named it the Capri, because it looks just like the Mustang-based car that bore the name previously. In Mercury's defense, the people at Lotus tried to do the same thing, but they sourced a motor from Suzuki. Suzuki?! Seriously, the M100 Elan was the same little doorstop as this thing.

And such a thing it is! It is most definitely a thing. As things go, this is one of them, for sure. But let's get to its other fine selling points!

First, it has paint. I won't say that the paint is fantastic, but I will say that a little squinting does wonders, as will a bit of enhancement of the pictures in Lightroom, though I would never do that. Unless I did. Seriously, the pictures don't do the flaws justice. You just have to see it to appreciate how nice it is to be nearsighted without your glasses.

It also has stripes. Just in case you aren't sure whether you like black or white stripes, or thick or thin ones, it has one of each, both sprayed by yours truly with the finest of Rustoleum products. I did a nice clean job with no overspray. I'm actually kind of proud of it.

So, then, the stickers. There's the aforementioned XR1 Capri decal, which you can't get just anywhere. For example, you cannot buy that sticker at JoAnn Fabrics. On the back of the car, at no additional cost, you get the bona fide 1990s "More Cowbell" sticker because, of course, more cowbell. And, because everyone else will be laughing at you when you drive this car, there's the "I Used to be Cool" sticker to let those pikers know that the last laugh is on THEM.

I also own a 1985 Mercedes 280SL. It's also red, and is a roadster with a removable hardtop, a five-speed and a double overhead cam engine. I can say categorically that the Mercedes isn't in the same class with this car.

But back to the Capri. It has a very nice set of Borbet wheels that are mostly in great condition and would probably sell for more than the car if I weren't too lazy to take them off. The tires on the front are the finest that the Chinese workers at Hankook can build and look decent. The rears aren't quite as good but are built by an American-sounding company I've never heard of. They hold the back end of the car up quite nicely.

There's a hole in the top, and I took a picture of it. It doesn't leak too much inside but if that bothers you, a new top is about $200 or you can just put on the removable hardtop. The hardtop also means that you can drive this in the winter if you want. There's a crack in the windshield, and you can either fix that for $200 or tell some lie to your insurance company about a jerk in a four-wheel drive truck that threw some rock, but I am not going to encourage you to commit insurance fraud. That wouldn't be right.

Just think about how cool you will look in this car. Yes, that's you. Cool. You're not going to be able to sleep tonight, are you? Maybe someone else will buy it before you can get to it. They're not sleeping tonight, either. If the listing fees weren't so high you could be locked in a bidding war on eBay with that jerk right now. Screw him and his insomnia. This can be yours. Live the dream.

There's a radio that doesn't work. I'd like to say that the 16-valve motor is enough music for me but the truth is that I ran out of steam on this project and left that radio project for the next owner.

This car doesn't have A/C, so the good news is that I don't have to report that the A/C isn't working. No broken parts there! The power windows and power mirrors work. It doesn't have cruise so that isn't not working either.

New stuff: brand spanky new gas tank (that was a fun day, and I sure smelled good when I got done), fuel pump, in-tank fuel filter, alternator belt, ball joints, a CV joint, coolant and water pump. There was some work permanently wiring the fan on because it wasn't coming on properly. I promise you, I've spent more money on this car this summer than you're going to pay for it. My loss is my boneheaded loss. I bought this car to solve someone else's problem and I made it my own in every sense. You will benefit from my foolishness. You won't be the first.

The five-speed makes it fun to drive. It's not super fast, but it is fun. The clutch shifts fine. I don't think the e-brake works, but we live in good old, flat as a pancake Michigan, and you can park it in gear.

The left headlight is a little lazy, and I think it's a relay in the dash that I hear clicking because we changed motors and it didn't affect it. So changing the relay sounds comparatively easy. The shop manual's available on line, so you figure it out.

At about 160,000 miles, you could say it's seen better days, but that would be rude, and besides, think of the adventures you'll have in this little beauty! Its best days are ahead, yessir.

I'm selling this car AS-IS, which means that once you give me your money, I'm not giving it back, and you get the Capri as yours, to have and to hold until death do you part. Or until something else happens that doesn't involve me giving you money, or you giving me Capri.

This car comes with some high performance weight-reduction in the form of rust. There's a little in the floor pan behind each of the front wheels. It's not structural but maybe if I were keeping the car I would patch that. There's some at the bottom of the left front fender and the rear fender arches are showing some rust, too. The truth is, this car just has an awesome patina, which is modern-day old car guy talk for rust.

It's red, did I mention that?

Here's a really important point. You can buy this car for just 2.4% of the cost of a 2017 Corvette Grand Sport. That's the hardtop, without any options, destination charge, taxes or document fees. Now I ask you, is a 2017 Corvette Grand Sport really 97.6% more fun that this car? Ok, so maybe it is, but then, you don't have $66,445 (plus tax, title and dealer prep) to blow on one, do you? So there we are. Buy my car. I don't charge "document fees." The taxes on the Vette would be more than the price of this car.

SCAMMERS: I doubt that any of the scammers will have read this far into the ad. From the emails and texts I have received thus far, I question whether they know how to read. However, Mr. Scammer, if you have read this far sitting there in front of your computer in your greasy hair, house robe, Deadmau5 T-shirt, unwashed boxers and bunny slippers making up ways to bilk people who work for a living, I just want to let you know that I'm not willing to do a transaction through PayPal where you send me a spoof email because you're in the military on a secret mission in Bortsnorkia but you have money and want to buy this car as a surprise for your son, and you're willing to pay my asking price. If that's the way you treat your son, I don't want to do business with you. Get him something nice. I also don't need a bank check so that your movers can come pick up the car that you have never seen. Hint: most people want to SEE the FREAKING CAR before they buy it. I'm not stupid, so let's not waste our time, ok? Or, let's waste each other's time. Your call, but your best bet would be to move on to some other sucker, because I won't bite. Eat some of that cold pizza, drink another 5-Hour Crack Shot, and please get someone else's hopes up, you heartbreaker, you.

I don't think I left anything out that I know about. It got rubber in the drive right after I took these pictures so the clutch seems solid. There could be other broken stuff but I'm very confident you could drive it out of my driveway, and it's SUPER RARE. I'm asking $1,500 but I'll consider your offers. I'll consider offers to pay more than $1,500 very seriously.

This is the part where you say, "Shut up and take my money."

Ok.

I don't think the horn works.