I still don't see EV's Replacing ICEs.

ProDarwin said:

The bolt would be a nearly perfect do almost everything car for me if the seat were 6" lower.  I know the cg is relatively low (pretty health SSF number actually), but a high H point makes me really uncomfortable.  They said it's no worse than my soul and I would gladly exchange that for a Bolt if if it weren't going to cost me 5-15k to do so.

somebody please please please make one with more GTI dimensions and put a Torsen in it. 

I would like to see a Bolt set up with Konis and some thicker sway bars for autocross. An electric GTI would also get my attention.

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

IIRC a couple years ago a guy one here was doing that.

Opti said:

In reply to mfennell :

Had a Volt, driven teslas, leafs, bolts and i3s, still not a fan. I think they are a ways from being viable for everyone.

I'm sure you are right. Not everyone can afford them. ( although the Chevy Bolt is probably the most affordable new car ( regardless of EV or ICE )  available once you do some basic math.   Nets out at around $22,000 plus tax & License.  
     Monthly payment of about $320 month @6 years.    Minus $160 in fuel cost savings.  That's $160 a month. More or less depending on your down payment, what interest you get.  ( credit union - dealer)  etc. 

The cool thing is I doubt you could lose.  Own it for a year or two until demand builds up.  Probably come out with some money in your hand.  
     If you really ( like me ) are a serious gear head,  buy something cheap and play with it to your hearts content.  
    Oh,  if  you live in an apartment, you might have to run an extension cord out to your car.   Assuming you travel say 50 miles a day?   110V will give you a full tank every morning.  

All the while Tesla is out farting around with it's semi and freightliner is out there actually making trucks and deliveries. 
 

https://www.freightwaves.com/news/daimler-ecascadia-begins-production

in service right now with Walmart fleet in California for pickup and delivery.  

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

ProDarwin said:

The bolt would be a nearly perfect do almost everything car for me if the seat were 6" lower.  I know the cg is relatively low (pretty health SSF number actually), but a high H point makes me really uncomfortable.  They said it's no worse than my soul and I would gladly exchange that for a Bolt if if it weren't going to cost me 5-15k to do so.

somebody please please please make one with more GTI dimensions and put a Torsen in it. 

I would like to see a Bolt set up with Konis and some thicker sway bars for autocross. An electric GTI would also get my attention.

 

This one ran the Optima Ultimate Street Car events a couple of years ago. It's got coilovers, sway bars, big brakes, lighter wheels, sticky tires, etc

In reply to Fueled by Caffeine :

 Recently California banned older semi's.   It was because of both safety and pollution.   Have your local Highway patrol tell you about some of the dangerous things they come across  on school buses. ( which are annually inspected and must be replaced at 10 years). 
       Repeated air brake failures,  rusted through floor boards and entry steps.  Ungreased front wheel hubs,   And once the lower glass window fell into the aisle when it rusted so badly that stepping on the brakes caused it to fall in and slide down the aside.  
  It was put back into service the next day with duct tape and a more permanent repair  done over the summer break with bondo over the duct tape and a  can of spray paint. 
 All of those events I experienced the first two years I worked for one of those low cost bidders 

       New trucks/ buses cost profits.   Some school districts will sign wavers extending  the life of buses for another 5 years.  Risking kids lives. 

codrus (Forum Supporter) said:

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) said:

No one
is coming
to take
your ICE

This is a bit disingenous.  Sure, they're not taking the ones you own now, but they are taking away your ability to buy replacements.  https://caredge.com/guides/states-banning-ice-cars 

Of course they're taking away your ability to replace an ICE vehicle.  Just like you can't go to a Ford dealer and order up a brand new 59 Fairlane.  In 1971 you lost the ability to buy a new car without emissions equipment and the automotive world lost its mind. In the late 80s you lost the ability to buy a new car with a carburetor and doomsday-ers were furious because EFI is too complex and the world will end.  In 1996 you lost the ability to purchase a new car without OBD2 and people lost their marbles because it was government spying.  This stuff happens on varying levels of magnitude every couple years.  Big things change all the time, and it's a nothingburger.  In all of those above situations, it changed absolutely nothing about the cars you had before the shift.

The change to EV is no different.  In every step of the way when big changes happen to the automotive industry, half of the people assume it's the apocalypse, half embrace it, and you know what happened every single time?  Nothing.  It was a primarily seamless change EVERY TIME.  No one died because you couldn't buy a replacement carburetted car.  No one was injured when they took away your ability to replace an OBD1 vehicle.  They just begrudgingly bought the new tech when they had to and realized that it's not a big deal.  If adding emissions laws to new cars in 72 was so apocalyptic, why is the carburetor industry still a multi-billion dollar industry a half century later?

The only big change to the automotive industry that irked me was that as of 1998 I could no longer buy a new B-body GM.  I look forward to the day when all new cars are EV.  First, because I want to be able to not destroy the planet, and secondly, it's exciting to forge ahead into new tech for me.  Remember how the entire nation felt when we walked on the moon?  Remember when we broke the sound barrier?  Remember the first time the space shuttle landed safely back on the ground?  The important thing to note here is that I won't be one of the EV owners for a long time and it won't affect me a bit.  I won't be able to afford an EV for probably a decade or more unless my income changes dramatically.  I'm squarely in the "buy a used heap for $2500 and keep it running as long as I can" camp.  I'm not worried one speck about it.  I will die and there will still be millions of ICEs on the road for a hundred years after I'm worm feces.

We can't start assuming that "all new cars will be EV" will have any impact on ICE.  At all.  It won't affect ICE any more than 1972 emissions laws affected how many 60s muscle cars were (and still are) on the road.  We all came through emissions, EFI, OBD, seat belts, airbags, ABS, catalysts, DEF and DPF, EGR, lane departure warnings, radial tires, tubeless tires, TPMS, CHMSL, child safety seats... you name it, we've seen it.  Every time people are afraid the sky will fall... and it never does.

Well said.     Why do those who focus on the past forget that change is inevitable?  
  Now as for you.  It's simply wrong to assume the price of used EV's will exceed your budget for the near future.  
ICE  car you choose to drive.    How many gallons of gas will it use in the near future?  Say next couple of years?   Or however long you can reasonably expect it to last.  If you include repairs then you need to add those in too. 
   I'm not saying you are typical.  Just these are known numbers. $2200 a year for gas.  So a total of $4400 for 2 years. Plus any possible residual value of what you are driving now. . Add required maintenance such as oil changes. $50 each? (5 qts @$7 ea $15 filter?    And possible brake jobs. Pads only? Pads and rotors? Hoses?   
        So what sort of EV car can you buy for $4500-5,000?    A Prius the owner misdiagnosed as needing a new battery?  Maybe with some miles  and a few dents?   
      What about a damaged Tesla?   Pretty easy to look under one and confirm the battery  tray is still straight.   Here's where  time is on your side.   
     John Deere didn't want Farmers to fix their own equipment. So they cut off parts.  
     They lost that and now you can get John Deere parts. That's called legal precedent. 
     I suspect some lawyer will take on that case and win.  If you have purchased the car before that point. You win!   Start checking the insurance auctions. 
   The Leaf?   Well maybe for short drives, commutes?   Probably not a long term solution.    
  But Chevy Volts were getting real cheap before the pandemic hit.  And as the world recovers their value will go back down. Based  on history it will fall even further. To the point where the cars actual value is greater than it's sales price .   The early ones went 30 miles before the engine started.  That's enough for local trips.  Later ones went 50.  Even assuming cold weather and degradation of the battery's.  Possible solution with  a little repairable damage. 
    If you are in ahead of the general population's realization that EV's are cheaper to own than ICE's  you come out ahead. 

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

I personally am annoyed that seemingly 99% of the new vehicles on the market are trucks and very few econoboxes in the remaining 1%.

On the other hand, I am not buying new cars, so it is not like they are making vehicles for me.  They are making what people who buy new vehicles are buying.  Ford learned that lesson with the Edsel   They tried to invent a new market segment and that went so well that Edsel is a synonym for failure.

There was a guy on speedtalk who insisted that Chevy made a very bad decision in not putting an LS head on the small block Chevy.  The only reasoning he had for this was that he wanted high flowing junkyardable SBC heads.  So GM should have spent a half billion dollars on a doomed architecture so he could save $1000 on his engine build.

Pete, 

  Much as I love EV's I admit most people don't want cheap. Not for a new car!! 
   My wife and I should buy a Chevy Bolt CUV .   It will fit our needs perfectly.  But 40+ years ago her Ex husband  bought a Cheap Chevy. That was a complete Lemon. She hated that car almost as much as she hated her unfaithful husband. Can't  see past the word Chevy.  
     She'd like a Tesla or Volvo  but those would require dipping into our retirement  leaving us short.  
  Neither Honda nor Toyota have what we need and the Koreans don't fill her with confidence.  
   The Jaguar I pace isn't even a Jaguar. It's made in Austria.  Plus the price?   And really marginal,  dated system. That's a firm NO  on my part. 
     What will Buick import from China? Ford's best offering is the Mustang. But $60,000 to start?  Chrysler is a non starter for me.  Since I was a kid their quality has always been in the basement.   In our retirement  quality and reputation is what us old Geezers look at first.  
        We have enough to buy a $25,000 new car.  We can stretch to $35,000 with a trade in.  Beyond that we are taking from our retirement which I doubt you will find anyone recommending. 
   The really great news is we don't have to act today. We have time. A good couple of years. Let's see what looks good at that time.  
    

STM317 said:

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

ProDarwin said:

The bolt would be a nearly perfect do almost everything car for me if the seat were 6" lower.  I know the cg is relatively low (pretty health SSF number actually), but a high H point makes me really uncomfortable.  They said it's no worse than my soul and I would gladly exchange that for a Bolt if if it weren't going to cost me 5-15k to do so.

somebody please please please make one with more GTI dimensions and put a Torsen in it. 

I would like to see a Bolt set up with Konis and some thicker sway bars for autocross. An electric GTI would also get my attention.

 

This one ran the Optima Ultimate Street Car events a couple of years ago. It's got coilovers, sway bars, big brakes, lighter wheels, sticky tires, etc

Yup, coil overs and sticky tires and swaybar... EV Mods

frenchyd said:

Well said.     Why do those who focus on the past forget that change is inevitable?  
  Now as for you.  It's simply wrong to assume the price of used EV's will exceed your budget for the near future.  
ICE  car you choose to drive.    How many gallons of gas will it use in the near future?  Say next couple of years?   Or however long you can reasonably expect it to last.  If you include repairs then you need to add those in too. 
   I'm not saying you are typical.  Just these are known numbers. $2200 a year for gas.  So a total of $4400 for 2 years. Plus any possible residual value of what you are driving now. . Add required maintenance such as oil changes. $50 each? (5 qts @$7 ea $15 filter?    And possible brake jobs. Pads only? Pads and rotors? Hoses?   
        So what sort of EV car can you buy for $4500-5,000?    A Prius the owner misdiagnosed as needing a new battery?  Maybe with some miles  and a few dents?   
      What about a damaged Tesla?   Pretty easy to look under one and confirm the battery  tray is still straight.   Here's where  time is on your side.   
     John Deere didn't want Farmers to fix their own equipment. So they cut off parts.  
     They lost that and now you can get John Deere parts. That's called legal precedent. 
     I suspect some lawyer will take on that case and win.  If you have purchased the car before that point. You win!   Start checking the insurance auctions. 
   The Leaf?   Well maybe for short drives, commutes?   Probably not a long term solution.    
  But Chevy Volts were getting real cheap before the pandemic hit.  And as the world recovers their value will go back down. Based  on history it will fall even further. To the point where the cars actual value is greater than it's sales price .   The early ones went 30 miles before the engine started.  That's enough for local trips.  Later ones went 50.  Even assuming cold weather and degradation of the battery's.  Possible solution with  a little repairable damage. 
    If you are in ahead of the general population's realization that EV's are cheaper to own than ICE's  you come out ahead. 

Cheaper to own, YES.  Cheaper to buy?  Hell no.  I definitely want one and I'm on board the EV bandwagon, but you seem to be making assumptions about my financial situation.  I make just above poverty wages, which is perfectly fine for my cheap mortgage and paying for gas, insurance, oil changes, etc.  Right now my only real choice in anything other than mainstream ICEs is to buy a wasted first-gen Prius for $1000, replace the battery pack for $4000, and then I have a wasted 300k prius with $5000 missing from my pocket.  Why would I do that when one mile away is a low-mileage 83 Corolla for $200 that my friend parked because it needs a $40 oil pump?  Do I spend $240 on the 110k-mile corolla and get 35 mpg, or do I spend $5000 on the 300k prius and get 38 mpg and be forced to put off things like fishing trips, eat Ramen noodles instead of chicken, and pray to every diety in existence that something else in the Prius doesn't need repair because that would mean giving up the Ramen, too.  I'm guessing I'm a decade away (in my current financial setup) from where the price of a good used Leaf agrees with my bank account.  It has nothing to do with gas expenses.  It has to do with how much of a chunk of money I can afford to plop down for a vehicle.

I can support myself all day every day with incremental costs.  I have nickels and dimes every friday.  What I don't have is the ability to save up big chunks of cash for an investment in a $10,000 car with 200k on it... EV or not, especially if that car suddenly decides to need an expensive repair and I just blew my wad.  Right now I'm in the demographic that can easily support maintaining an ICE purchase, but I'm YEARS away from A) having the disposable income to buy a decent EV, and B) years away from being able to find financing on any clapped-out used EV that I might find.

My only way for me to save up for a $10,000 EV is to (from your numbers) basically not buy any fuel for 10 years, which means stop driving for 10 years.... but then I lose my income which means it's a net loss.

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

^^This. All the EV optimists think that the majority of Americans buy new cars. They don't. The vast majority of us buy used cars that cost $5000 or less. By the time an EV is in that price range its going to be beat to death(at least in the near-term). Even for enthusiasts like most of the people on this board when we build a car, we don't spend a huge amount of money upfront...we buy something cheap and available and then upgrade it as we go. I would love to build a performance EV...but the reason I have never looked at it seriously is because the upfront investment is just too high. Its far more manageable to buy a $500 junker and put $5000 in it over a few years than it is to buy a $5500 EV junker upfront and then be at risk of battery failure that the replacement cost is out of reach in an emergency situation.

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

I figured you weren't well off, probably out of choice rather than personal limitation.   You seem very bright to me.  
   I'm an opportunist.  I built a big fancy house very much on the cheap because I look hard for bargains.  They have to be real bargains that my own input of labor turns into something of value.  Or in other words. Just because it's cheap or affordable doesn't make it a bargain.   
      When it comes to cars I approach them the same way.    What car can I pick up at low cost  that will reward me in the future.  
   Sort of like the example you used. Except focused on EV's. Or PHEV's 

I know Tesla's are totaled with relatively modest amount of body damage.  Simply because parts just aren't available.   But. Perhaps  you could make a totaled Tesla into something you'd like?   Up front prices for even totaled Tesla's might be high, except if they don't sell because parts aren't available.  Prices have to drop.  
      It costs nothing  to watch the Insurance auction sites.   Who knows?   
     There is a guy on U Tube who put bitsa of a Tesla together with a very old Jaguar sedan. And made a neat running car.  
      But what is a the price  of an older car with bad mechanicals?   And Tesla mechanicals?  Or Volt / Bolt.  Ford Hybrid  etc      
    Am I presumptuous thinking you could do something like that?  

Why do I have the feeling that the early Telsla roadsters I like are never going to be in $5,000 range.

Wicked93gs said:

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

^^This. All the EV optimists think that the majority of Americans buy new cars. They don't. The vast majority of us buy used cars that cost $5000 or less. By the time an EV is in that price range its going to be beat to death(at least in the near-term). Even for enthusiasts like most of the people on this board when we build a car, we don't spend a huge amount of money upfront...we buy something cheap and available and then upgrade it as we go. I would love to build a performance EV...but the reason I have never looked at it seriously is because the upfront investment is just too high. Its far more manageable to buy a $500 junker and put $5000 in it over a few years than it is to buy a $5500 EV junker upfront and then be at risk of battery failure that the replacement cost is out of reach in an emergency situation.

Don't worry about the batteries. They look sorta like AA batteries ( they aren't) It's very simple to look at the battery pack of a damaged EV and tell if it's straight or not. ( and there are other easy tells)   
      Lots and lots of batteries.  ( more later)    

  Besides most batteries are just packs of AA  sized batteries. If you watch someone open up a battery pack, nothing scary about it.    I'm guessing at this point. But I would doubt that all of those batteries suddenly fail at once.   It looks reasonably simple to pull the battery pack, check each one. ( time consuming )  and replace less than optimum  batteries as needed.  
 Watch on UTube and decide for yourself. 

In reply to frenchyd :

I could, but certainly not now.  A totaled Tesla at an insurance auction is still bringing more than half it's retail value.  The fact that this one is being photographed with the window down in the pouring rain and they list the ODO at zero (not actual) means that this one most certainly has suffered a catastrophic electrical failure... and it still has an asking price of over $12k until you add taxes, title fee, and auction fees.  I'm not in a place to spend my entire savings on a car that might need $20,000 worth of unobtanium parts just to get it to function.

Folks are also kind of missing the fact that Tesla is really the only EV in the game for long enough that there might be used stuff out there.  There are plenty of $70,000=100,000 new mainstream EVs that have been sold, but only in the last couple years, so they're still $50-80k... if they're for sale at all.  When you have 4% of the NEW market being EV, imagine how tiny the slice is of the used market.

I'm the same with houses (although I prefer smaller spaces).  But you can look at a house, analyze the faults you see, then assume that there is all the additional damage behind the plaster and budget accordingly.  In almost every situation, you come out on top with real estate because it doesn't really depreciate.  With cars.... that's apples and oranges.  If I bought that Tesla (or one like it), I'm potentially $22k out of pocket - which I don't have - for an R-title used car.  I have that opportunity for $1500 with an ICE three times a day on FBM.

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

Why do I have the feeling that the early Telsla roadsters I like are never going to be in $5,000 range.

Because they are Lotus chassis. Tesla has upgraded them with new stuff  ( I don't know if it's all of them.  ) 

frenchyd said:

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

Why do I have the feeling that the early Telsla roadsters I like are never going to be in $5,000 range.

Because they are Lotus chassis. Tesla has upgraded them with new stuff  ( I don't know if it's all of them.  ) 

So was my free Europa. It was.....free.

frenchyd said:

Wicked93gs said:

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

^^This. All the EV optimists think that the majority of Americans buy new cars. They don't. The vast majority of us buy used cars that cost $5000 or less. By the time an EV is in that price range its going to be beat to death(at least in the near-term). Even for enthusiasts like most of the people on this board when we build a car, we don't spend a huge amount of money upfront...we buy something cheap and available and then upgrade it as we go. I would love to build a performance EV...but the reason I have never looked at it seriously is because the upfront investment is just too high. Its far more manageable to buy a $500 junker and put $5000 in it over a few years than it is to buy a $5500 EV junker upfront and then be at risk of battery failure that the replacement cost is out of reach in an emergency situation.

Don't worry about the batteries. They look sorta like AA batteries ( they aren't) It's very simple to look at the battery pack of a damaged EV and tell if it's straight or not. ( and there are other easy tells)   
      Lots and lots of batteries.  ( more later)    

  Besides most batteries are just packs of AA  sized batteries. If you watch someone open up a battery pack, nothing scary about it.    I'm guessing at this point. But I would doubt that all of those batteries suddenly fail at once.   It looks reasonably simple to pull the battery pack, check each one. ( time consuming )  and replace less than optimum  batteries as needed.  
 Watch on UTube and decide for yourself. 

Yup... typically 18650s or 21700s. I have watched several videos on the topic as a possible coach battery bank for my van/RV.   I have three in my pocket right now for my vape pen.  The problem is, a Tesla has between 7000 and 10,000 cells.  It takes very sophisticated equipment to test them, and if you get it wrong, you risk the lovely, fiery explosions you hear about.  Also, the 18650s used in EVs aren't your run of the mill vape battery that you can get for $4 each.  They are highly-specialized cells that cost about $35 each.  I'm not keen on buying the test equipment and finding out I have to replace 10% of the cells... which is 700 cells, or $24k... which is about the same as buying a complete new battery pack... but you can't buy them from Tesla, and the black market could land you in a lawsuit.

Trust me.  I WANT to make it work.  I would gladly add a big, fat 4ga 240v service on the outside of my house if I could make it work.

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to frenchyd :

I could, but certainly not now.  A totaled Tesla at an insurance auction is still bringing more than half it's retail value.  The fact that this one is being photographed with the window down in the pouring rain and they list the ODO at zero (not actual) means that this one most certainly has suffered a catastrophic electrical failure... and it still has an asking price of over $12k until you add taxes, title fee, and auction fees.  I'm not in a place to spend my entire savings on a car that might need $20,000 worth of unobtanium parts just to get it to function.

Folks are also kind of missing the fact that Tesla is really the only EV in the game for long enough that there might be used stuff out there.  There are plenty of $70,000=100,000 new mainstream EVs that have been sold, but only in the last couple years, so they're still $50-80k... if they're for sale at all.  When you have 4% of the NEW market being EV, imagine how tiny the slice is of the used market.

I'm the same with houses (although I prefer smaller spaces).  But you can look at a house, analyze the faults you see, then assume that there is all the additional damage behind the plaster and budget accordingly.  In almost every situation, you come out on top with real estate because it doesn't really depreciate.  With cars.... that's apples and oranges.  If I bought that Tesla (or one like it), I'm potentially $22k out of pocket - which I don't have - for an R-title used car.  I have that opportunity for $1500 with an ICE three times a day on FBM.

Fair enough but•••••• ( discuss later) 

  Want to start a whole lot cheaper?   Look at Chevy  Volt/ Bolt.  When I last looked at them, pre-pandemic. They were down to  $12,000 in undamaged nice running condition.    (60,000 miles) 

    Before you give up on EV's do some research watch someone do the battery pack on a Tesla.   I haven't seen anyone do  Chevy Bolt/ Volt yet but •••••• 

Fueled by Caffeine said:

https://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/west-coast-pipeline-leak-near-los-angeles-halted-gasoline-deliveries-several-states.amp
 

 A side benefit of EV's is less lunacy like this.   Though when companies abondon stuff like this no one cleans it up and then we all collectively are through the state. 
 

https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/blogs/stateline/2018/07/09/why-orphan-oil-and-gas-wells-are-a-growing-problem-for-states

 

first person to say "but the mines" will receive a life size version of the worlds smallest violin.  

Some of you have problems with EVs because they are new cars and you can't buy new cars. It's not so much a problem with EVs, but in your own situation. No manufacturer makes a $3000 used car. NONE of them. Nothing to do with being EV or not. Hel,l you probably couldn't have afforded the car you have NOW when IT was new...

I grew up below the poverty line and traded in free cars. Now I'm on my 3rd EV. I can afford a $300 a month car payment and no gas bill (which pays for a lot of the car payment). I'm not rich, either.

Gas cars will be around for decades. Even if all manufacturing switched to JUST EVs tomorrow morning, it would take decades to replace even half the gas cars and light trucks in the US overall fleet. So you have time for today's EVs to come down to the same price point your beaters are already at.

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) said:

Yup... typically 18650s or 21700s. I have watched several videos on the topic as a possible coach battery bank for my van/RV.   I have three in my pocket right now for my vape pen.  The problem is, a Tesla has between 7000 and 10,000 cells.  It takes very sophisticated equipment to test them, and if you get it wrong, you risk the lovely, fiery explosions you hear about.  Also, the 18650s used in EVs aren't your run of the mill vape battery that you can get for $4 each.  They are highly-specialized cells that cost about $35 each.  I'm not keen on buying the test equipment and finding out I have to replace 10% of the cells... which is 700 cells, or $24k... which is about the same as buying a complete new battery pack... but you can't buy them from Tesla, and the black market could land you in a lawsuit.

Trust me.  I WANT to make it work.  I would gladly add a big, fat 4ga 240v service on the outside of my house if I could make it work.

Seems like there's a mistake here, Teslas aren't driving around with $350,000+ in batteries on board...

GameboyRMH said:

Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) said:

Yup... typically 18650s or 21700s. I have watched several videos on the topic as a possible coach battery bank for my van/RV.   I have three in my pocket right now for my vape pen.  The problem is, a Tesla has between 7000 and 10,000 cells.  It takes very sophisticated equipment to test them, and if you get it wrong, you risk the lovely, fiery explosions you hear about.  Also, the 18650s used in EVs aren't your run of the mill vape battery that you can get for $4 each.  They are highly-specialized cells that cost about $35 each.  I'm not keen on buying the test equipment and finding out I have to replace 10% of the cells... which is 700 cells, or $24k... which is about the same as buying a complete new battery pack... but you can't buy them from Tesla, and the black market could land you in a lawsuit.

Trust me.  I WANT to make it work.  I would gladly add a big, fat 4ga 240v service on the outside of my house if I could make it work.

Seems like there's a mistake here, Teslas aren't driving around with $350,000+ in batteries on board...

Yeah, the math doesn't math. Hell, a NEW replacement battery for my Bolt is only $13k, which is why they can sell the cars at $25k new and turn a profit. By the time it needs one (say at 300-500k miles) a used one or a rebuilt one will be available much cheaper. https://www.gmpartsdirect.com/oem-parts/gm-high-voltage-battery-24042761