How in the hell do people succeed?... Am I just terrible at Life?

In reply to WonkoTheSane :

I think you nailed what I would deem to be the attributes of a successful person: Enough to comfortably retire in 20 years, A house that fits the family, a reliably vehicle that's not indicating some very expensive failures are on the horizon after less than two months of ownership (no extended warranty, it's on me) and, to be financially robust enough to help my kids pay for college. 


Some people say college is not necessary but, I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I've gone through in my working life and I want none of that for my kids. 

Cool. Now that you've written down your goals.  Come up with a plan to achieve.  Slowly.  Patiently. Methodically 

The_Jed said:

Some people say college is not necessary but, I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I've gone through in my working life and I want none of that for my kids. 

I think this depends a lot on the individual, some do well with it, some are indifferent, some would be better off without it.  But I agree with the goal of being prepared for it.

In reply to The_Jed :

To clarify...

I didn't mean to say college is unnecessary.  That's a personal decision. 
 

I meant to say that you don't need to be the one to PAY for it.

There are a LOT of ways that students can pay for their own college education.  Grants, scholarships, student loans, etc, etc.  Students have many more resources than they realize- parents are not obligated to be their bank (that's the easy route, but not in any way the only route).

I have 5 kids- all of them went to college.  Combined expense was probably about $300K.  I paid very little of that- perhaps $10K total combined.

A student who can keep their grades up and becomes active on the campus increases greatly their odds of scholarships, etc.

Is there someone you trust enough and is not judgemental that you would feel comfortable discussing this with? Maybe a brief weekly meeting to discuss where you are on the path to financial stability and to offer you support.

You sound a bit depressed (I'm not a medical professional, just experienced with depression). Find someone to talk with that will provide a distraction to your circumstances. This could be the same person as above.

Now you can down vote this next part, but a contribution to a church can really help.  If you are a Bible believing person you are instructed to do so. A lot do and a lot don't.  Your choice. It works for me. 

Set aside a portion (10%) to pay yourself first in a separate account or under your mattress. 

Use the dollar bill savings plan. It works. 

Best of luck with this. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 

IMHO, Charity needs to start at home.  Once you get the means to make sure that you are safe and healthy, then it can extend out.  It shouldn't be a choice between charity and a safe, solid house; your kids education; means to get around that is safe and solid.  

And I kind of doubt that most churches will pressure you into giving them money when you need spiritual fulfillment but barely have the means to cover your own bills.  Are churches pay for pray these days?

In reply to alfadriver :

Charity does begin at home, hence my other comments. Do or don't. Up to the OP to decide. 

I think it's worth remembering that not everyone that shares information about themselves here is going to go into every challenge and set back for the world to know about in full detail.  I am typing this effectively one handed due to a garage accident last Friday involving my left thumb, a table saw, and a trip to the ER.  I wouldn't have shared this at all except that I think it's good to know that not everyone shares the screw ups.  And I'll be fine, the thumb will live, it's just under wraps post surgery for the time being.

One thing that has helped me is 'flying solo' which means I don't have an ex or kids and everything has been easier to control.  But it gets lonely.  It sounds like you're working hard on being a good dad and that's awesome stuff.    Maybe, and if this isn't accurate you can ignore this bit, but it sounds like you are trying to do as much as you can on your own.  Some help from your networks, like what John suggested with a GRM Borg van rebuild thrash, is the kind of thing I would have a terrible thing asking people to do for me.  And it seems like it would help you a ton right now.  You'll pay it back when you can.

I honestly find this group really impressive to the point of being intimidating at times.  Try to enjoy the help and laughs and don't let the comparisons get to you.

In reply to The_Jed :

No worries man, I'm sending good vibes your way.

If you're good at wrenching on stuff, can you do it from your home? Maybe a garage or carport?

I never thought people would bother to have someone else fix their riding mowers, snowmobiles, dirt bikes, etc. Now I'm charging $100/hr to do it for people who can't be bothered or can't do it themselves. 

Lawn and garden stuff doesn't need much for tools.

What about moving to NC and working for Toyman?

Though I can assume kids complicate that situation.

RE: Rich Dad Poor Dad, I'll sum up the only useful advice in the book right here:  Make your money work for you.  Avoid reading the book unless you want a good laugh at how completely out of touch with reality some scammy rich dude can be (and even then there are plenty of modern examples).

That said, the advice is not really applicable in this situation.  Advice on how to properly save or invest does someone who does not have the excess income to save or invest no good :(

The only advice I can offer is: 

1) Accept the help.  Whether it be from friends, community, or GRM, they are essentially filling the role of supportive family you may not have.

2) If you are in a dead town, figure out a way to get out, ASAP.  I saw that hinted at by others, and that's probably the biggest opportunity on the table right now.  It doesn't mean go move to downtown DC or something, but whats the nearest small/medium city that will have job opportunities on the table with real pay and a cost of living that's reasonable?

3) Regarding college, paying for your kids school is a noble goal, but it certainly sounds like given your current situation, its not really on the table.  Investigate other routes to pay/help them.  The most helpful thing you can do though is probably to establish your household/transportation/etc. as rock solid so they dont have any of that worry on their mind on top of their schoolwork.

How did I "succeed" at life?  I was dealt the right cards.  Grew up in a financially stable family, went to school, got a good job.  Made plenty of mistakes along the way, but with a financially stable family to fall back on in an emergency it allowed me to be more risky, dumb, etc.  I didn't figure out how to properly save/invest until age 30, but I hadn't made any major life mistakes prior to that would have really set me back.  Even then, as mentioned earlier, "success" is in the eye of the beholder.  

In what world is "give money you don't have to people that don't need it" considered good advice? Just Wow. 
 

The best thing I ever did was leave the place with no opportunity for someplace else. That's not easy at all, but realistically the best thing you can do, if you can. 

The_Jed said:

In reply to WonkoTheSane :

I think you nailed what I would deem to be the attributes of a successful person: Enough to comfortably retire in 20 years, A house that fits the family, a reliably vehicle that's not indicating some very expensive failures are on the horizon after less than two months of ownership (no extended warranty, it's on me) and, to be financially robust enough to help my kids pay for college. 


Some people say college is not necessary but, I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I've gone through in my working life and I want none of that for my kids. 

Groovy, you've got a list, that can act as lodestar.  It's not a course, but it's at least a heading!

What I'd do now is try to figure out (with as real a number as you can figure!) what each of those things "costs."  Then you can come up with (or bounce it around here or with friends over a beer) how to attack each one.

For example, Retirement: 

I know you mentioned that you have a 401k, so you have a start on your retirement.  What's that number?  What number would make you feel confident that you can actually retire?  Remember that retiring doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stop working completely, but maybe take a low paying job that you don't mind for part time pay just to pay for food and such? 

General rule of thumb I've seen is that by retirement age, you should have 9-10x your income saved.   If you're in the $50k area, that means you need ~$500k total in the next 20ish years.  If you're okay with taking the "soft" retirement mentioned above and still doing some part time work at Lowes or whatever, maybe $400k is the minimum?  As I mentioned before, if you start maxing your RothIRA this year ($7000/year), you'll end up with $280,775 saved @ 6%, which means you'll need to rely on your 401k as well.    Now, I'm not an advisor, and this is not investment advise, but following the investment threads here on GRM and others, I've had my Roth on VTSAX and my rollover (i.e., 401k from old employer) on VIGAX for the past 15ish years.  Note that these two are "high risk" due to being all stocks, it's not a retirement account that's a large mix of bonds as well.   During that time, I've averaged an 11.6% return between the two.  If you start today and do the max investment amount and average 7.5%, you'll be at $329,000 at age 65.  That'll get you a large part of the way there!

Transportation:

You know the deal, it's time to suck it up and get a used Prius or equivalent until you get situated. Stick with boring and Japanese.  As shown here, you can probably wheel and deal on something that'll work for less than the replacement engine in the Dodge.  Fix up the Dodge as you can, so you have a backup.  Fix the other car you mentioned, then sell one once you've stabilized. 

College:

This is the tough one.  You have <1 year for one, and <3 years for the other.   There's no legal way to comp up with enough money to pay their way for 'em in two years, I don't think.   That's something like $30-60k, without the benefit of compound interest!  However, if you can stabilize the other facets of your life, providing a safe and reliable base of ops for them to attend is worth a LOT!

--------------

Either way, go through this for your entire life.  It's hard and time consuming.  It's what the "Within Your Means" spreadsheet I mentioned a few pages ago had us do to set our goals and realign our spending and savings. 

But, once you get through this excorize, you'll be looking at a (LARGE!) pile of accomplishable goals, instead of a general feeling of not knowing what to do! 

lownslow said:

Now you can down vote this next part, but a contribution to a church can really help.

Mrs Monohue and I discussed this tonight following the earlier comment. It seems to us that the magic here is in joining a club. Churches are clubs. As they say, it's not what you know, it's who you know, and when people know you, more and better opportunities can arise. If you're tithing while starving, the church and/or congregation will see you as faithful and selfless and will be practically obligated to leap to your rescue.

At least that's the way it looks to two reclusive heathens. We have no network and aren't willing to feign belief in order to get goodguy discounts and preferential treatment. It's frustrating for us that life is set up to exclude people like us, but we have made our choice.

None of that is of much value to The_Jed other than to say that you're not the only one out there more or less going it alone. I've made mistakes and  more than that, failed to commit to pursuing opportunities. I'm 50 now, making more than I ever have (and more than I ever thought I would), and don't really expect to retire before 70, and it will be a retirement void of travel and adventure. If I need a hobby, it'll be something nice and cheap, like origami or making valueless comments on an internet forum. It is what it is, as they say.

Charity is sort of like the oxygen mask on the plane.

Put yours on first so you're able to help other people.