In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :
Curtis, thank you for the kind invitation to share more. I will attempt to explain why I’ve chosen to continue to believe the basic tenants of Christianity despite years of doubt and depression. First a caveat, this is an inherently limited exercise. In my younger, more prideful years, I thought my faith was a purely logical conclusion based on air-tight evidence. I’m an engineer by training and grew up in a Christian tradition that sought to “prove” the truth of our faith through empirical lists of evidence. If we could simply share long enough lists, all would be convinced. If they weren’t, it was because they harbored sin and were rebellious to the obvious truth. I no longer believe that. Human “belief” is far more complex than that. Yes, evidence and logic play a role. But so does experience, nature, nurture, and a host of relational and emotional factors. So in truth, I don’t actually know ALL the reasons why I still believe, simply because I don’t fully know myself or my motives. I think that’s true of all of us. So, with that limitation in mind, I will attempt to share why I THINK I still believe, admitting that there are biases, presuppositions, and motives I am unaware of.
Above all else, I believe in the Christian message because I believe a man named Jesus actually rose from the dead. I cannot prove he did, just as I’d argue no one can prove he did not. It’s a question of probabilities. Based on available evidence, is it more likely this event occurred or that it did not? I am persuaded of the former based on the following evidence, from weakest to strongest. (1) There were many male, Jewish messiah claimants in 1st century Palestine. They gathered followings, then they died, and their followers immediately disbanded and they were forgotten. We are left to wonder, why did things go differently for this one messiah claimant who also died. Why did his followers not disband and instead spend their lives growing his movement? (2) Women are the first witnesses of the resurrection. In 1st century Jewish legal and cultural code, women were not regarded as reliable witnesses (obviously a horrible view, but it was the view-of-the-time). Therefore, if the writers of scripture were making all of this up, why would they exalt the place and witness of women, whom their society did not regard as legally reliable? (3) The writers of the story look like fools. If they were making it all up, why would they include such humiliating stories such as Peter’s denial of Jesus the night of his arrest, the disciples’ hard-heartedness and failure to believe the women’s claim, the disciples’ consistent failures of faith and courage (esp in book of Mark, likely narrated by Peter), etc. (4) The historical evidence that all the disciples paid dearly for their claims. All but one was martyred according to the best evidence we have. The one not martyred was exiled (John). Peter was crucified. Paul gave up a life of privilege and power for persecution and eventual beheading. Why would they all willingly submit to such suffering for a story they made up?
Does all that prove a man named Jesus rose from the dead? Of course not. But it has persuaded me to believe that it is more likely the event actually happened than that it did not. And if it did happen, then Jesus is the one-and-only person I know of to defeat death, and I therefore am ready to follow him.
My second fundamental reason for belief is simply the kind of life Jesus led. If the biblical story is true, then it says that the most powerful being in existence, the Creator, humbled himself by becoming not just human, but a poor, disadvantaged human (Philippians 2:5-8), so that he could serve, heal, love, and die for his creatures. I see in Jesus a man who could have had all fame, wealth, and power who instead welcomes children, heals lepers, restores abused women, and walks among the poor. And above all, I see a Deity who chose to absorb the judicial penalty of human sin so that humans could go free and live in his love forever. Whenever I struggle with faith, I simply read the teachings and works of Jesus and encounter such overwhelming love and humility that it leads me back to faith.
My third reason for belief, weaker than the previous but still present, is that I think the existence of an intelligent Creator best explains the universe, the world, and the human heart as I observe them. These are the classic arguments of Theistic Apologetics - empirical evidences for the existence of God or gods. They are nowhere close to air-tight. But taken together, they provide additional evidence for theism (at least to me).
Now to the experience elements of my faith. This is much more personal, and therefore less likely to convince anyone of anything. I believe that atheists are correct in saying that Christianity (or religion in general) is a crutch. Yes it is. But I am lame. I need a crutch. I did not always believe that. But then clinical depression set in seven years ago for a variety of reasons. I went from someone who got a 4.0 in engineering to someone whose brain simply broke. Depression got bad enough that I couldn’t function. Since I took more pride in my intellect than anything else in my life, this was crushing. But it opened my eyes to a truth: humans are not nearly as strong as we think we are. While it’s taken many years, I have come to a place of greater faith in God as my loving heavenly Father who truly loves and likes me and supports me on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. I don’t expect that to be persuasive to anyone else since it is so personal, but it is my reality. On my darkest days, of which there are many, I find life, hope, and strength from the belief that the Creator of the universe is with me, holding me up, and filling me with his love.
This leads to the related experience - I have seen how real, powerful, and present God is with the poor and broken whom our charity serves. Many people in middle-class, white church-world assume our charity is all about sharing the gospel with the poor when we give them a car, which assumes that the poor are far from God. BullE36 M3. While not all are Christians, most are, and some of them have a stronger, more sincere faith than I’ve ever experienced. In the midst of unimaginable abuse, hardship, and suffering, they fully believe that God loves them, is weeping with them, and is walking with them through life. They have almost nothing… but they are grateful because they believe they have everything in their heavenly Father. Their faith despite all the pain strengthens my faith.
Finally, I should mention two things often used against faith in the Christian message. First, the problem of hell. How could a loving God throw the majority of the human race into conscious, eternal torment? That question crushed me, until I discovered a strain of Christian theology that, while not the majority, is present all the way back. I am what might be called a “hopeful Christian universalist.” I believe that eternal salvation is only possible through Jesus. But I also believe that Jesus died for all humans and that God the Father wants all humans to be saved (see 1 Timothy 2:4-6). Therefore, I believe that it is likely that God will surprise all of us in the end with a great gift of grace - He will continue to save after this life such that, in the end, God gets what God wants: the salvation of the entire human race. This view doesn’t fit within evangelical orthodoxy, particularly in the US. But I’m not a pastor anymore, so that’s ok. It gives me hope that, in the end, God’s love will win over all human hearts and everyone will be healed and welcomed into perfection.
And the second: the problem of evil. This is the big one against Christianity (or theism in general). How could an all-powerful, all-good God exist given the evil in the world. Lots of ink has been spilled in the last 2000 years trying to answer that question. In my opinion, it is unanswerable for humans. We simply don’t know enough about God, causation, or the end of the story. But I take great comfort when I read about Jesus weeping with Mary and Martha at Lazarus’ death. Here is the Creator Himself, who knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, tenderly weeping with these people he loved. That scene combined with many similar passages convinces me that God is not above or immune to the evil and suffering in the world. Quite the contrary, he is grieving with us. He walks with us through it so that somehow, in his wisdom and love, he can bring good out of the evil. I don’t know how he does or why he does, I just believe that he is with us in our suffering, and that makes it bearable.
Well, that’s the gist of it. I’m sure there’s more, some of which I’ve forgotten, some of which I’ve never been aware of. Thanks for the invitation to share it.