So many box elder bugs on the sheltered bits of the house exterior right now.
Had to use a leaf blower to move a fair biomass of dead ones.
So many box elder bugs on the sheltered bits of the house exterior right now.
Had to use a leaf blower to move a fair biomass of dead ones.
Fair warning- this is probably well beyond a minor rant.
Also- if we can do me a favor and skip the "cancer sucks" platitudes, I'd appreciate it. I know it berkeleying sucks.
I'm watching a friend die. Actively. Like it's been any minute now for the last 4 days. He was diagnosed stage 4 in 2017. He's held on as long as he can for his wife and kids but it's over. He's in the icu/hospice now, unresponsive. His family is at his side. I'm 1600 miles away and it makes no sense for me to attempt to get there. He was rushed in for an emergency surgery on the 19th of some fashion and more or less never came out, as I understand it.
And I just don't know what the berkeley I'm supposed to be doing. I've told swmbo, and she's being as supportive as she can but she's a- got her own E36 M3 going so I can't really lean too deep into that one, and b- he's one of the few friends I've managed to keep from the before times, so she doesn't actually know him. I managed to reconnect with an OLD group of folks we had in common from 15 or so years ago. That's been helpful.
Beyond that I'm just sitting here continuously going what. The. berkeley. My life is completely berkeleyin normal. Like it's actually going ok. Here this guy who's 1000x the person I've ever been is fixing to lose his family to a random roll of the dice and....I'm probably going to the beach this weekend. I get that on every level if I was him I'd want me to go to the beach. I know academically he's probably already gone. Like the person I knew isn't inside the shell that's somehow still alive. I'm not a religious person- even if I was I'd believe his spirit had moved on.
What the berkeley, man.
I'm up at my buddies camp for the week helping him renovate. Fifteen minutes in I was playing with his dog when the dog got a little aggressive and accidentally bit my right hand. Real good.
What a berkeleying E36 M3 show of a monday.
I don't want to go into it, but it was the most monday monday that I've had in a long while.
berkeley.
In reply to Mndsm :
Watching people you love die is one of the worst feelings ever.
I bought a car from an estate, and found out when I tried to register it that I needed documents from the estate to prove the executor had the power to sign the title. I couldn't get in touch with the guy to get it, so I had to find the correct legal document and get it myself. I finally got the correct document requested from the probate court in another state and got my car registered. Then a few days later I noticed that the receipt for the registration had the correct address, but a name i didn't recognize, and so did the title when I received it. I took it in to the tag office and they were just as confused as i was. I was able to get it corrected, but It took a total of 3 trips to the tag office and a few weeks, which is very inconvenient when you're employed. the person at the tag office's theory was that they typed in the wrong drivers license number on the original title application, saw it had a different address on file and then changed the address in their system, because they thought it wasn't updated, since i moved recently. This then caused my title to have that person's name on it but the correct address, and then that person then had their legal address changed to mine without their knowledge. Hopefully all this is resolved now, but this whole process has been a comedy of errors.
I constantly struggle with anxiety and depression. I often feel like I don't matter or make a difference.
jimbob_racing said:I constantly struggle with anxiety and depression. I often feel like I don't matter or make a difference.
That sucks. I know it doesn't always help, but we're here to listen or talk.
You are far from alone. One of the DDs struggles with this so I understand how debilitating it can be, and how resistant to logical thought it is.
Best of circumstance and medical science to you - you deserve it.
One of my co-workers just sent out an email asking for a meeting with myself and a few other people. Face to face at the office. "Anytime after 3PM", along with some dumb smileyface emoticon. Said co-worker is rarely in the office before 11AM, while everyone else on her invite list gets in at 7AM, so by 3 we're getting ready to leave. Not that I mind staying late when needed, but to do so simply so that all the rest of us can conform to her schedule is a bit selfish on her part.
Luckily, before I responded, one of the other invitees sent out an email saying he was available between 7:30 and 3PM.
jimbob_racing said:I constantly struggle with anxiety and depression. I often feel like I don't matter or make a difference.
BTDT. Turns out I was chasing the wrong root cause for a long time. I am treating that and things are much, much better... But the anxiety and depression still have an impact that can make it hard to get going in the morning. Today especially is like that. For whatever reason today, I just don't care.
I took a pair of dress pants to my favorite dry cleaners (mom and pop shop owned by a cute little old Chinese couple) yesterday to be cleaned.
As I'm walking in the door the mom says "alter-ration?"...I know I've put on a few pounds but $!!#%^&# you.
Went in for the surgery for the cancer on my back. Nothing life threatening. But they ended up take a 2.5 inch square of skin about 1/8th a inch deep after testing around the edge.
Was supposed to be a couple stitches, ended up like 40 plus with internal and external stitches. So no gym and no surfing for 2 full weeks. Booo.
The nutjobs in my city have reached a new low. Usually they just lie about whatever candidates they don't like and spread rumors among their own toxic neighborhood. But now they are stalking candidates, calling the candidates' parents, even their jobs to do "fact checks". One nutjob even tailed a candidate who was canvassing the neighborhood. It's bordering on intimidation at this point. All for a non-partisan local election in a city of less than 15,000 people.
I am probably NOT going to see Deadpool 3 when it comes out. Reading between the lines, it's going to be another MCU BS-fest where cameos are mistaken for content and you have to do 40 hours of homework watching other movies and reading obscure comic books to understand what is going on.
The whole appeal of the Deadpool movies was that they stood alone, on their own merits, and had things like "writing" and "characterization" instead of 30 people who you're supposed to fanboy over dropping in with no exposition.
It reminds me of when I saw that one standalone Wolverine movie where there was some Cajun card player in it, and I was supposed to have worn my white pants when he showed up in the movie, but there was no exposition, no reason for me to care that he was in the movie. He was there, they had some silly fight, then there was a thing with an airplane. BFD
Pete. (l33t FS) said:I am probably NOT going to see Deadpool 3 when it comes out. Reading between the lines, it's going to be another MCU BS-fest where cameos are mistaken for content and you have to do 40 hours of homework watching other movies and reading obscure comic books to understand what is going on.
ryan reynolds gets a lot of slack from me for getting the first one done at all, the second one was an improvement from a story perspective and still had heart. Minus the fridging of the wife which was forced even if accurate to some of the comics. Lets see how it turns out I trust that team to do it justice even with studio interference.
My BIL used to work with Disney on the Star Wars properties. They all want to do the best they can with the rope that the studio gives them but sometimes they just don;t have enough pull to really get it done the way they think it should be.
In reply to Mndsm :
My recommendation is do whatever you will want to live with and not regret.
It doesn't mean go see him, unless it does
My rant:
I really miss not having the weight of the world constantly on my shoulders
In reply to Antihero :
Peace scares the E36 M3 out of those of us who have only known chaos.
Appleseed said:In reply to Antihero :
Peace scares the E36 M3 out of those of us who have only known chaos.
I have tried to live a fairly simple, stress free life , so the near constant stress is terrible
Trying to find out why I still owe money for a medical procedure I thought I'd already paid for.
Apparently I paid the *doctor* but the *facility* bills me separately. I tried to get an answer to this and only now got it explained to me.
WTF? Only in our medical system will you not get a quote for how much things are going to cost and then will you be billed twice for the same thing.
jimbob_racing said:I constantly struggle with anxiety and depression. I often feel like I don't matter or make a difference.
Yup. Same. Been dealing with this lately too.
I'm trying to come to peace with this through positive nihilism. If what I do doesn't really matter, than I'm free to do what brings me happiness and satisfaction rather than living up to some goal of what I believe I'm *supposed* to live up to.
I'm also reconciling it that: I don't matter MUCH and I won't make a BIG difference. But that it's okay to make a *small* difference. I can care for a few people/pets. I can make good beer that brings happiness to a few people. Any little bit matters. If I move the needle to the net positive AT ALL, than I've succeeded.
Oddly enough, the philosophy of Terry Pratchett is helping me most to internalize this emotionally. Yes. A fantasy author who write a satyrical series about a flat world on the back of a turtle.
One of the last series in that he wrote were the stories of Tiffany Aching. These were young-adult novels about a girl learning to grow up to be a witch. But not like Hogwarts stuff.Most of her job as a witch consisted of small acts of kindness: clipping the toenails of an old man, helping someone do their chores, helping people through birth and death. The ultimate moral of the stories is that being a witch and real magic isn't grand powerful things that change the world. It's the tiny things we do to help people that any *could* do, but no one else does.
In reply to Beer Baron :
If I affect the life of even one person in a positive manner, I have succeeded. All else is frosting on the cake we call life.
Actually minor rant-
So cousin coming into town.
She's the definition of MN passive nice.
She's got Friday available and wants to kick it.
Originally we were gonna meet up and do the beach and E36 M3. Then it became apparent she'd be near orlando. It's well known at this point I carry a set of keys to the (magic) kingdom. Tell her to pick whatever, and we'll make it work. She says she's fine with whatever. Talks through the options. It becomes obvious she's gonna prefer the mouse over cocoa. Won't say it though. I finally say "So you're too nice to say it, but given the choice MK over beach" and she relents and admits, MK. Ok fine we're going to disney world. NBD.
I text SWMBO and tell her to start setting things up- because she's A- the planner and B- the driver while I have issues. SHE starts telling me to pick what I want and she'll make it work. berkeleyS SAKE SOMEONE PICK SOMETHING I DON'T CARE. I probably should care, this will all happen on my actual birthday, but I hate my birthday and any and all attempts to celebrate it are generally met with scorn- and I'm already in a bad mood- SWMBO doesn't know yet (because she seems kinda deferential to the whole thing and I honestly don't know how to proceed but...) my PREVIOUS rant friend passed last night. So I've got that on my head while this is all going down. I just need people to handle some E36 M3.
Finally I tell my cousin I've giving her SWMBO's number. I give SWMBO her number, give said cousin SWMBO's number, and take myself entirely out of the equation. Good thing too- because the plans I would have come up with are absolutely not even close to what either of them have put together and it didn't even dawn on me what they've got IE- she's never been to Galaxy's Edge, and I've ridden everything they've got a bunch of times. I figured she'd want Magic Kingdom. Apparently we're going to Hollywood Studios.
In reply to Mndsm :
You and the Mrs are going to better know whats fun and feasible to do in a given time, pick what you want and go with it. Your cousin will be fine with it. I've started doing that when people visit and it makes for an enjoyable day most of the time.
In reply to Mndsm :
Sorry to hear that your buddy passed.
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