Vent

Need to vent.

Our 8 week old is making our 3 year old whine and cry constantly. He won't nurse and my wife is stuck bottle feeding which means an emotional roller coaster of crying. It's my busy season at work so 12-16 hour days are the norm. I just got diagnosed with high cholesterol. 8 week old has been in and out of hospital for weight gain issues. This is the kid we had after a miscarriage while I was away from home getting a new job so extra emotional issues. And my wife just rear ended a neighbors car today while backing out of the driveway.

Moving far away from family was a good idea?

Wtf.

Tl:dr. I'm a giant wuss and should man the berkeley up.

Dude, you got hella stress. Its good to vent.

That's a lot of stuff. One day at time... and vent away

That doesn't sound like a particular fault of anyone really. You've got a wife, 2 kids and a job you're busting ass at to do your best by them and I assume you're trying to share the feeding duties so I would say you're manning up just fine. Things get tough and admitting that isn't a weakness dude.

3 kids. Luckily the 5 year old is mostly easy.

when life gets overwhelming, i find comfort in answering these three questions before bed: did i do the best i could have done today? yes? ok, good. next: did what i do today provide enough for my family so i can try again tomorrow? yes? excellent. does my family still love me? yea? Awesome! 3 for 3! bed time!

-J0N

Distance from Grandparents: 1 Kid - Live anywhere. 2 Kids- 6 hour drive. 3 Kids- Same Street

Dude, sorry. We've been there in a few ways before. Our family is about 4-5 hours away at its closest.

Can you get some time away from work? I've found that can help A TON.

You're not close enough that I could do anything useful to help, but I feel for you.

Stressful time man. Not a lot to be done for it but to put your head down and get through each day knowing that "this to shall pass".

We all have up times and down times. The biggest thing is to work as a team with Mrs. Fueled, no matter how tired and stressed you might feel do something for her. Her job is suckier than yours right now.

>>>btw, the cholesterol thing is no biggie, take the meds and it gets under control. There, one less stress.

jmthunderbirdturbo wrote: when life gets overwhelming, i find comfort in answering these three questions before bed: did i do the best i could have done today? yes? ok, good. next: did what i do today provide enough for my family so i can try again tomorrow? yes? excellent. does my family still love me? yea? Awesome! 3 for 3! bed time! -J0N

This.

Also, as the saying goes: don't sweat the small stuff. As long as you and your loved ones are still above ground just about everything else is small stuff.

I'm thinking you need to give yourself 15 minutes a day for yourself. Let your wife take 15 minutes for herself, too. Take a power nap, a walk, a drive to nowhere, a beer on the back porch, stretching, yoga, jump rope, run...

I'm not sure how to handle the kids though, my first kid is due the 23rd!

But the most important thing is what jmthunderbirdturbo stated.

I feel your pain. We have 3 kids and no family support...we just moved to Atlanta from PA and my wife's family is in PA/NJ. They weren't much help anyway, so not a big deal, and I haven't spoken to my family in many years. So it's just the 5 of us. It can be hard doing it on your own.

On the bottle feeding thing, I know it's easy for guys to say, but try to help your wife get through it. And I don't mean that in a cold, heartless way. My wife had the same problems. I tried to get her to focus on the big picture of having a healthy baby boy and how fortunate we were. After a short time, she let go of her frustration and moved on...plus I think having me doing the middle-of-the-night bottle feedings so she could sleep helped to convince her. When we had our twins, there wasn't even conversation, it was bottle from day one.

Your kids will always make each other cry...that's the life of having multiple kids. The nature of what makes them cry will change, but it'll still happen. Hopefully if you can do more bottle feeding it may resolve some weight gain issues and make the baby cry less...which in turn will make the 3 year old cry less.

jimthunderbirdturbo is spot on. Do your best, your family will always love you.

Take care of your health. You gotta take care of yourself, so that you're able to take care of the family.

1) Babies are shiny happy people. There is nothing that can be done here except to distract the 3yr old some other way than having 100% of mommies attention. If you can't be there to help and she has no family or other good friends with shiny happy person babies to team up with... gotta tough it out.

2) Cholesterol. Exercise. Avoid those pills as much as you can. An hour a day. Which, since you don't have room in your schedule for... my next point...

3) 16 hr days 7 days a week? berkeley that. Seriously. berkeley that. I did that E36 M3 in my 30s and I can tell you that hindsight being what it is... I was an idiot. I had cheese in my veins, high blood pressure and lots of "lack of sleep" anger. If you are working 16hr days and still can't afford a nanny to help the wife out you are doing it wrong. Although sometimes it is easier to feign overtime than come home after 10hrs of ball breaking to a miserable wife and 3 needy kids and have to toast your own pop tarts. I had a MIL pickin' up my slack though... ;)

Also, my not-very-high cholesterol dropped 20 points overall by eating natural food. Not less of it, not less meat, not less fat... just better food.

Vent away, friend.. If it's 16 hour days forever, you're doing it wrong, but if it's a shut-down time or other such "death march," sometimes they're unavoidable..

If I may make a suggestion, take a half day off of work this week, call in sick (or call in "kid-sick") and take care of your wife for a few hours. Let her sleep, set out everything for her to make some eggs and toast when she wakes up, and take the kids out to breakfast followed by the park. Hopefully when you show up at 11, she'll have gotten back to human for a little bit with a nap and a long shower, you can have lunch with the family and then go finish up at work.

Exercise.. Was getting it, but work ramped up just when baby came so my time is wrecked. We'll get some in soon. I miss the gym

Babies: Yup I'm doing a midnight feedings and helping the wife in any way.

Work: Well.. Not much we can do until Xmas. Busy time of the year.

On a good note: The health care costs for birth here in WA are way cheaper than any other place on the East Coast. Slightly less than South Carolina 6 years ago. We're out the door for about $2500 including the extra stay in the hospital due to health issues. In Connecticut, it was right to out of pocket max thank you very much.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: 3) 16 hr days 7 days a week? berkeley that. Seriously. berkeley that. I did that E36 M3 in my 30s and I can tell you that hindsight being what it is... I was an idiot. I had cheese in my veins, high blood pressure and lots of "lack of sleep" anger. If you are working 16hr days and still can't afford a nanny to help the wife out you are doing it wrong. Although sometimes it is easier to feign overtime than come home after 10hrs of ball breaking to a miserable wife and 3 needy kids and have to toast your own pop tarts. I had a MIL pickin' up my slack though... ;)

I'd be able to employ a nanny or mothers helper, but my wife insists the kids go to some fancy private school that costs $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. And she wants to stay at home. I get to pay the loans on her two masters degrees. So.. She made her choice..

In reply to Fueled by Caffeine:

We did the $$$$$ fancy private school for a while but are now doing homeschool instead. Highly recommended.

And I did take time off.. Not much when the baby came... Her mother came out of a month, but I took some time here and there after her mom left. my parents are out this Wednesday for a week to help.

Same boat, different captain in control.

Nearing 1yr old here on the youngest, but similar story. I find work to be physically and mentally draining keeping granny alive for 8-12hrs out of a day, but its my release from the stress of home life at this very moment. This is on top of the nearly 4 hrs of driving every day. That is part of my getaway too.

I try to take the one day at a time bullE36 M3, but it works about never, JMO. Family seems to ruin it with more nuisance bullE36 M3 that don't mean anything to the big picture.

tuna55 wrote: In reply to Fueled by Caffeine: We did the $$$$$ fancy private school for a while but are now doing homeschool instead. Highly recommended.

my wife just happens to be a teacher who dosen't believe in homeschooling. I've suggested it.

Fueled by Caffeine wrote: ...my wife insists the kids go to some fancy private school that costs $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. And she wants to stay at home. I get to pay the loans on her two masters degrees. So.. She made her choice..

Sometimes you don't get to make demands if you don't have a serious stake in helping to meet those demands. Unless, by "stay at home", you mean a finite maternity leave.

Fueled by Caffeine wrote:

tuna55 wrote: In reply to Fueled by Caffeine: We did the $$$$$ fancy private school for a while but are now doing homeschool instead. Highly recommended.

my wife just happens to be a teacher who dosen't believe in homeschooling. I've suggested it.

That's odd. My wife is a teacher too. She felt that she could not have the kids going to a school which she was not participating in. When her employer started doing things that she didn't think were ethical, it was the 1-2 punch to start homeschooling (2 was finding out about #4).

Maybe you could convince her by looking at finances. With our kids my net income could not put them through school each year, even without a mortgage. Homeschool allows for creative social interactions, including co-ops, field trips and sports. What's she afraid of?

A little far reaching for your issues here-and-now, but having a line of sight to ease the huge financial burden that private school is can be nice.

So, once the kids are all at fancy $$$ school, what does she intend to do at home?

a heavy bag does wonders...

note: as long as you know how to hit it and not hurt yourself... otherwise, it may compound problems...-_-

madmallard wrote: a heavy bag does wonders... note: as long as you know how to hit it and not hurt yourself... otherwise, it may compound problems...-_-

Add Century Bob and you can really have some fun. I use a 100lb long bag, plus Century Bob to blow off steam and we don't even have (never will) kids!

http://www.amazon.com/Century-BOB-XL-Base-Unit/dp/B003QOHSLQ