Audible diagnostics help

(Updated below)

Picked up a 2001 330ci for cheap a year or so ago, they said it needed a fuel pump...it need needed to not be on a slanted driveway and 5 gallons of gas.

Fast forward to today. It's gotten a new cooling system because the electric fan (BMW did away with the belt driven fan on the e46) died. While I was there I did the Besian system vanos rebuild becasue the car has 176k and I was ordering a kit for my e36 M3. I didn't move the crank while the timing gears were exposed...pretty sure. I'm going to open it back up I suppose.

The car starts sometimes and sometimes (more often) sounds as if the plugs were removed and I'm testing the compression...I took a video but don't know how to upload it.

I just use youtube to upload videos.

No help on the symptoms right now

Good idea, never thought about YouTube.

https://youtu.be/Dx2tEIhEf94

Sounds like a dead battery to me. Possible?

I think I'd agree that it sounds like there's no compression, or at least really weak.   When it does run, how does it sound? Healthy at all?

update: I grabbed my daughter to look at the belts when I crank because that also sounds like the starter not engaging...and of course the car fired right up.

Seems to run ok, I've not driven it since the vanos rebuild, no license plate, no tags, lot all the lights work. Going to fix the lights (hopefully) after I change the oil in my truck and go from there.

Thanks,

Russ

Great news 

Weird that car doesn't have a mechanical fan. My e46 M3 still has one. 

Update: Car has started fairly easily two days in a row, it runs like crap for 5 minutes or so and then evens out, I had been thinking that there was no spark but didn't want to pull a coil to check (fine, I was feeling lazy, ok?).

Now that I've had it start twice and run like poop, I think that awful cranking sound is no/little compression because the rings are sticking. Thoughts? If that makes sense, how do you un-stick rings?

Just went and found this: I love GRM

I don't know how I missed this thread before, but have you confirmed the condition of the CCV? It is a poorly-designed system that fails a lot, and it can cause all manner of running issues. Cold weather can affect it as oil-water emulsion clogging the passages freezes.

Thanks for the reply; yes CCV was replaced when I did the Vanos rebuild as a 'while I'm in here' thing.

I've got the cylinders soaking with MMo and Seafoam for the night, tomorrow=oil change and then we'll see what we see.

You might want to read this. Different problem, but same system, and ultimately rings-related: https://www.bimmerforums.com/forum/showthread.php?1629018-Oil-consumption-after-CCV-replacement

Freeing rings is pretty easy.  Tablespoon of diesel or seafoam in each spark plug hole, let it sit overnight with the plugs out.  Crank several times to make sure you don't hydrolock it, put the plugs back in and drive it hard.

Part of the issue with these is that they have low tension rings, which are known to either float or break. If the OP is lucky they're just stuck. Regardless of the actual problem, it is absolutely true that these motors like to be driven hard. My car sees the redline every time I drive it (assuming oil fully up to temperature).

So you bought it, put gas in and it was fine?  Nice score. 
I assume you drove it around, right?   So, if I understand, it was running fine and then you did some work and then it wouldn't start and when it does it runs bad.

if correct, either something wasn't put together properly, something you installed was faulty or you broke/disrupted something while working on it. 

Your conclusion is correct, but I didn't give you ALL the information. I completed the vanos rebuild almost a year ago, never drove it but it ran in the driveway just fine, the car has sat intermittently  since then, at one point for almost 6 months with a dead battery.

Fast forward to this morning. I drained the oil, rotated the engine by hand, then with the starter, dried out the plug wells, reinstalled the spark plugs, and it fired right up...and I have no mosquitos because I fogged the entire end of my block

So...I'm fairly satisfied that the issue was a lack of compression due to sticking rings. I'm going to start the hunt for light housings (darn BMW brittle plastics) and get the lights all going so it will pass inspection and I can get this thing on the road.

Peace!

Russ